Category: Pastoral Pain

Church Is Not an Extension of the Pastor’s Ego

You cannot serve God and mammon. We are to set our affections on things above, not on things of this earth. We are to put our treasure in heaven.

Typically we reserve this for talks about money and the dangers of materialism, which is no doubt true. But there are other facets of life that fit here too.

Including your church.

People count what they see. Then we compare our numbers with other people’s numbers. The guy with the big, growing church is being blessed; the guy with the small, struggling church is clearly doing something wrong.

Some are blunt about this judgment, others cloak it in humble talk, but essentially this idea emerges.

As a pastor, I felt this all the time. When visitors came on Sundays when lots of people were gone. When family visited from out of town and commented how small our church was. When other pastors would drop how their new building expansion was going, while my church met in the junior high.

My ego took a hit. My self-esteem, well, after 21 years pastoring in a church that never broke out of struggle, I basically had no self-esteem.

Breaking out of this pattern of thinking is hard, even harder when seemingly everyone you talk to about church reminds you of how terrible and pathetic your church is and by default, you are as a pastor.

People claim all the time that God is the builder of the church, “we just plant and water and God gives the increase.” A growing church is getting the increase, so God is obviously blessing the planting and watering. A struggling church, well, God has pretty much given up on that thing.

Much discouragement, embarrassment, depression, justifications, and self-loathing overwhelmed my soul. My planting and watering must have all been on stony ground, because I got nothing.

In my moments of despair, I’d cry out to God, why no blessing? Why no growth? Why just pain? Can I get a break? I’d lay it out before Him.

I kept coming back to 1 Corinthians 4:1-5. Paul says it was a small thing to be judged by the Corinthians who doubted his apostleship and belittled his ministry. Paul said he didn’t even judge himself! Even if he thought he was completely justified in everything he did, it still didn’t matter.

The only thing that mattered was God’s judgment.

It doesn’t matter what human judgment is upon you or your ministry, not even your own judgment.

This isn’t jerkish pride either, that “I’m better than others so don’t tell me what to do,” nor is this some sort of cosmic, “Get off my back while I take it easy” kind of thing. This is a serious, you alone before God, judgment.

God will judge your ministry. As he says in 1 Corinthians 3:12-15, which is the same context by the way, all we do on the foundation will be tested with fire.

Lots of people do visibly impressive things that get attention, accolades, and genuinely looks like big things are happening, and maybe there are. Other guys have hardly anything. The amount before the fire isn’t what matters!

What’s left after the fire matters.

I know pastors who are determined to leave a legacy, a visible proof of their effectiveness. Their desire to grow the church doesn’t seem to be out of a desire for spiritual growth in individuals, but a visible growth of externals so they look and feel like a man.

False teachers are in the church. Their bellies are their motivation. They are always talking about money and always have incredible appetites to spend that money, rarely on anything spiritually helpful, often on a physical thing that proves their effectiveness.

God will judge that. He will judge the pastor who sincerely cares about people’s spiritual growth too, with the exact same fire.

It’s possible to have an impressive amount before the fire and after, this is my desire, but I fear for how much is left after.

That’s the only thing that matters.

Yet it’s so easy to get caught up in ego and pride, the desire to have impressive things going on so we feel better about ourselves.

What are we doing ministry for, to impress people, or to have something survive the fire of God’s judgment? Is your church an extension of your ego, or is it Christ’s Body?

If you struggle with pastoral depression like I did, it’s mostly because of comparison with others. It’s mostly an ego hit.

Yes, I did have sorrow in my heart for how many were rejecting God’s word, perverting His Gospel, and leaving, what I felt, was a place that could help them.

I know that was sincerely in there. I also know I was a mopey, whiny pastor who desperately wanted validation.

Examine what gets you bummed out as a pastor. What stirred it up? Was it external comparison, or divine concern for souls? Examine that before the Lord.

Keep planting and watering. God takes care of the increase. It’s true, let Him worry about that part. Be faithful to the Word, in season and out, preach, teach, exhort, rebuke with all authority, and do all of it in light of you standing alone before God.

Only His opinion matters.

_____________________________________________

If you want to know more of my experiences as a pastor of a small church, I wrote a book. CLICK HERE to get a copy of it. It includes 9 tested and true tips for how to not grow your church for only $3.50!

The Top Three Weirdest Reasons People Left Our Church

People leaving churches is understandable. Sometimes it’s good for them and sometimes it’s even good for the church. I’ve never thought everyone should be happy at one church, options are good.

I get it when people leave a church I’m pastoring. I’m often fine with it even.

Except when they leave over something that didn’t even happen.

Now, I will grant the point that people who leave over things that didn’t even happen are generally not very helpful members of the church to begin with. They are people who are looking for an excuse to leave, so they make something up so they feel better about leaving.

I get why certain kinds of people do this. It’s still highly irritating though.

There are three examples I remember that top the list for people leaving over things that never happened.

The first was a couple who left because in a sermon I told them they couldn’t raise their hands during singing.

Get this, not only did I never say this, they never once raised their hands while singing before or after I allegedly said this! I was a young pastor at the time and this was the first time this imaginary offense thing happened to me. Blew me away.

The second was a mother who left because I told her that her kids couldn’t take Communion. Again, I never said this. I remember the conversation. I’ve had multiple parents ask me if they should let their kids take Communion. My answer is always the same:

“I don’t know. You’re their parents. Do you think they understand the Gospel and what’s going on with the bread and the cup? If you think they understand it, then let them do it. If you don’t think they understand it, then don’t let them.”

This sounds reasonable to me. Apparently she heard this as me saying “No! Do not let your kids take Communion in my church, sweetheart!”

The third one was a lady who left because we didn’t like single mothers, so we alienated her and didn’t support her. This one Is just, I don’t know. Here’s my main sticking point: She was married the entire time she was at our church! I remember this because her husband was huge and fit and played outfield on our church softball team and was awesome!

But apparently totally reveling in having her husband on our church softball team was too much for her single-motherness to handle, so she left.

I don’t know. I get it and at the same time do not get it at all.

I hope the next time a person who wants to leave my church and is just waiting for a reason to leave, just asks me. I can give you about 21 reasons to leave our church. There’s no need to make stuff up.

_________________________________________

If you want to know more of my fascinating thoughts about church, I wrote a book. CLICK HERE to get a copy of it. It includes 9 tested and true tips for how to not grow your church for only $3.50!

A Theory About People Thinking My Sermons are Angry

I’ve had opportunities to preach in a couple churches steeped in Easy Believism (apparently the Lord will only allow me to preach in such churches). They think people are saved by “saying the prayer,” and as long as a person said The Prayer, they are saved and don’t have to bother with any growth.

The latest church I’ve preached at have several church leaders that have said multiple times that you can be saved and then murder people every day for the rest of your life and still be saved.

I’m no advocate for people losing their salvation. I am an advocate for salvation is being crucified with Christ, buried with Him, and raised up with Him to newness of life. No longer I who lives, but Christ who lives in me.

Murderers will not inherit the Kingdom of God (Galatians 5:21). We know that no murderer has eternal life in him (1 John 3:15). Seems pretty straight forward.

Anyway, that’s one example of many of this church’s teaching.

Teaching Easy Believism leads to massive apathy. There is no energy directed at spiritual growth. Why would there be? The church leaders tell everyone they are saved and fine, take it easy. No worries.

So, when I get my shot to preach in these places, I endeavor to stir them up a little. Philippians 3 and the last part of 1 Corinthians 9 have been my texts the last few times. Run to win. Reach forward to the prize of the high calling in Christ.

While preaching such things, I get a little excited. I want people to see the depth of the Gospel’s provision, the Lord’s love, and the way awesomer life following Christ rather than following the flesh.

It gears me up because realizing such things transformed my life and faith. I want others transformed by the Gospel as well.

Without fail, after my imploring, beseeching, and stirring people up to follow Christ with some zeal, my emotions will be interpreted as anger.

I can confess that anger is not the emotion I’m going with. Yes, there is some frustration preaching in a church overrun with bad teaching and apathy, but frustration is not my main emotion either.

It’s a desire to call them to something better, something that’s sitting right there, been fully provided by Jesus Christ. Just go get what He offers, people!

Typically, the people who think I’m angry are often the ones I’m most concerned for. It’s like they have no idea what to do with such emotion in a sermon. They think everyone is saved, what’s the big deal? “There’s nothing wrong with us, must be something wrong with that guy preaching.”

My emotions are interpreted as anger; when in reality I’m begging and imploring that very person to use the Gospel’s provision.

After a half hour of explaining how they should forget the things that are behind and press toward the mark, run to win, etc. all they come up with is, “What’s wrong with that guy?”

They have no place in their theology for impassioned pleas. They’ve already concluded they’re saved. There is nothing more. They said The Prayer, when they die they go to heaven, take it easy, man!

If you have no concern for your soul, you don’t know how to react to someone who is concerned for your soul.

It reminds me of Ezekiel crying out to the people to obey the Lord. No one listens. Instead they listen to the false prophet’s message of “peace, peace. You’re all fine, don’t worry about it.”

Ezekiel begs them, implores them, beseeches them, no doubt using emotion, and no one hears, leaving Ezekiel to cry out to the Lord, “Then said I, Ah Lord God! they say of me, Doth he not speak parables?” (Ezekiel 20:49).

For me, this was the hardest part of being a pastor—having more concern for peoples’ souls than they appeared to. They are already done. They are good to go. “Why are you so worked up, don’t you know we’re already saved?”

You hang around a church long enough you see the end of these people and you see the fruit their lives produce, and it isn’t spiritual fruit. You beg and plead and preach and convince and do whatever you can to help them wake up.

“What’s wrong with that guy? Why’s he so angry?”

Sigh. It’s the burden of the Lord. All day long His hand is stretched out to a disobedient and gainsaying people. Those same people look at God and say, “Why’s He so angry all the time?”

It is frustrating, but it’s also nice to know I’m in good company.

Either that or I’m angry, I guess.

_______________________________________

If you’d like to hear more of my experience pastoring a church in what I thought was a biblical manner, I wrote a book. CLICK HERE to get a copy of it. There are 9 tips for how to not grow your church for only $3.50!

The Peacemakers Might be Destroying Your Church

Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers.” The next verse in the context says, “Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness sake.”

That seems odd. Why a persecution warning after telling people to be peace makers? Seems like persecution is the opposite of peace!

The Beatitudes are descriptions of Christ’s character, and should be the character of those who follow Christ. These are not stand-alone statements; they go together and hinge on each other.

Think about it, “blessed are the peacemakers” was said by Jesus Christ who said, “I did not come to bring peace but a sword.” Seemingly everywhere Jesus went He destroyed the peace. Most pages of the Gospels have Jesus arguing with someone. Then they killed Him.

“Blessed are the peacemakers” gets quoted in isolation. Many think that making peace is the major thing we do. Peace at all costs. Unity is The Goal. The heretic is the one who makes people uncomfortable and brings controversy.

If local church leadership emphasizes peace and unity above all else, bad things will happen.

Christians should not intentionally cause problems; they should create and maintain peace, but there are qualifications on peace. “As much as depends on you, live peaceably with all.” It doesn’t all depend on you.

I don’t walk into rooms thinking about causing problems. My nature avoids conflict. I do not enjoy arguing with or confronting people.

But I’ve also learned that argument and confrontation is occasionally necessary.

There was a time in my pastoral career when I rested on peace, which meant–avoid trouble makers. They took more and more, and hurt more people. I cowered and hoped they’d go away.

Keeping peace with bad, destructive people will ruin the church.

I remember the first time as a young pastor confronting one of the jerks in the church who thought he ran the place and was actively causing division. I was scared the whole time. I shook for two hours afterwards.

It was one of the best things to happen for the church though.

If I had maintained peace with this guy, the doctrine of the church would have been destroyed, or the people in the church would have been divided and a huge fight would have ensued.

Church splits are often the result of church leadership not rooting out problems before they blossom. This often occurs for the spiritual sounding reason of “keeping the peace.”

Avoiding problems, confrontations, and bad people doing bad things in a church, is not keeping peace; it’s dereliction of duty.

The unity the church is called to is the “unity of the Spirit” and the “unity of the faith.” If people aren’t in the faith and don’t have the Spirit, you should not be united with them. Come out from among them and be separate.

Peacemakers will often get persecution. Standing for righteousness, confronting false teachers and deceivers, will get you pushback. Jesus, the apostles, and the prophets know this. Any pastor doing his actual job knows this.

Consider it joy when you receive persecution for pursuing righteousness (which is the only thing that will bring true, lasting peace), for they did the same thing to the prophets.

Being a peacemaker ultimately means doing all you can to help people be at peace with God. This happens through the Gospel (which is an offense, by the way). But once that is dealt with, peace with other people becomes possible.

Peace through any other means is merely human effort and schemes to keep an organization together. Usually it’s just fear of people.

The church needs better.

Shepherds don’t make peace with wolves.

_______________________________________

If you’d like to hear more of my experience pastoring a church in what I thought was a biblical manner, I wrote a book. CLICK HERE to get a copy of it. There are 9 tips for how to not grow your church for only $3.50!

What This Small Church Pastor Envied

Small church pastors are often envious. I was.

But I wasn’t envious of the things small church pastors are accused of being envious of.

Once I was touring another church for possible use for a wedding. They showed me around their new addition with all the new, pretty rooms. At the end of it the tour guide said, “I probably shouldn’t have shown you all that, now you’ll be envious of our building.”

“Nope,” I said. “Not really.”

I never wanted a huge building. Huge buildings cost more money, which require more people, which requires doing things I didn’t want to do to attract people to give us money we didn’t have. I wanted no part of joining that rat race.

Others think I wanted all the fancy programs and the funds to have nice equipment and impress the world. Nope, didn’t really want that either. Programs can be good, but often they take on a life of their own and eventually completely miss the purpose they were begun for.

“I bet you’d like to have all these people in your church.” Is another assumption people make. Not really. My heart was so broken by a small group of people, I can’t even imagine the state of my heart if a bunch of people came.

Which leads me to the one thing I was envious of: spiritually minded people who were growing in Christ.

I’d visit other churches and see some decent, upstanding, biblically minded, spiritually mature, servant of a Christian and think, “Oh man, I wish I had someone like that in my church. I’d give my left arm to have three people like that.”

Or the pastor who had a board that actually liked the church and showed up to it and served it and prayed for it and supported the pastor so the pastor was never out there floating on his own making decisions that everyone will be mad at but no one else will man up and take a stand.

That is what I was envious of.

Actual Christians with the Holy Spirit who devoted their lives to the love and service of the Body of Christ.

I had a couple for a time over the years, but was greatly disheartened by the general lack of enthusiasm for pursuing such things in the majority of attenders.

True, there would be no limit of such people that would satisfy me, I would always want more, because in actuality, that’s sort of the person the church is supposed to be creating.

The Body that edifies itself in love because the members are growing and doing the work of the ministry, is the goal and purpose (Ephesians 4).

If you have a couple of those kinds of people they serve as an example to inspire others to follow their lead. But if there aren’t any, the general testimony of the church is apathy, and people will have no problem following that. Soon the church is filled with apathetic, distracted, shallow people who desire nothing more because they are all busy pursuing earthly things.

I didn’t want a bigger building, larger crowds, more money, or more programs. I didn’t envy those things in any serious way.

I did envy spiritually growing Christians. They are few and far between and when I meet one I think, “Man, I wish you had been in my church.” Where two or three of this kind of person are gathered together things can happen.

I just wanted two or three.

______________________________________________

If you’d like to hear more of my experience in not doing church well, I wrote a book. CLICK HERE to get a copy of it. There are 9 tips for how to not grow your church for only $3.50!

5 Annoyances With How Christians Talk About Spiritual Gifts

Love is the theme of 1 Corinthians 13. About 75% of the time I’ve heard 1 Corinthians 13 mentioned is in the context of marriage. Seemingly every wedding has it read, which is fine, it’s the most redeeming aspect of most weddings.

But the context is not at all about weddings or marriage.

1 Corinthians 12 is about spiritual gifts. 1 Corinthians 14 is about using spiritual gifts within a church gathering.

The theme of love is brought up in the middle of those chapters.

If you don’t have love, all your spiritual gift does is cause problems.

This isn’t a weakness or fault with spiritual gifts; it’s a fault of ours. We are proud. Pride warps spiritual gifts.

Spiritual gifts are for the benefit of the church, but proud people turn them into, “Hey everyone! Look at me! Look at me!” This causes division and confusion. This is especially true if there are multiple arrogant people who think they have spiritual gifts.

The first three chapters of 1 Corinthians are about division in the church. Pride was the cause. Lack of love and pride go together. Love thinks about other people; pride thinks about me, me, me.

Throughout my years as a pastor there were many needs in the church. I thought of people who could help meet those needs. I asked them to help.

Guess what I heard approximately 98% of the time?

“It’s not my gift.”

Oh gag.

I have some thoughts about the people who say, “It’s not my gift.”

1. People who say “it’s not my gift,” never exercise any gift. They don’t do anything. If a person had a discernible gift that they were using regularly, I’d be happier hearing “it’s not my gift.” But that’s not what happened. “It’s not my gift” was said by those who never did anything.

2. “It’s not my gift” is a most sanctimonious excuse for Christian laziness. The bottom line is that you don’t feel like doing what is needed. Just say that. Just say you don’t want to do it. Be honest. I don’t want to. I don’t have the time. I don’t have the money. I can’t stand those people. Don’t put some fake spiritual veneer on top of you apathy. Don’t spiritualize laziness.

3. Love is the motivation for the use of spiritual gifts. Love thinks about the other person. If you love the people in your church you will look for ways you can help them. Whenever you help someone in the church, that’s you exercising a spiritual gift. People who never find a spiritual gift, are simply people who don’t love people in their church.

4. Paul says to “covet earnestly the best gifts,” which makes it sound like you can get as many spiritual gifts as you want. The idea you are locked into one or two gifts is nonsense. This is especially true if you see many needs in your church. Why not be the person who develops the gift the church needs right now?

5. There’s a notion that spiritual gifts are things we naturally enjoy doing. Spiritual gifts often get confused with natural ability or pleasure. This is nonsense. Spiritual gifts must at some level be spiritual; they can’t just be natural talents or things you were born enjoying. Biblical love includes sacrifice. Love hurts. Yet people in churches seem to think that if my service inconveniences me or costs me something, it must not be my gift. I think they assume people with a spiritual gift just love using that gift all the time and are always happy and free of sacrifice. This isn’t the case. I’d suggest that you know you’re exercising a spiritual gift when you are laying down your life for someone, as Christ did for us, which doesn’t always feel great.

That’s not to say that spiritual gifts must feel terrible. There are people who are good at things, but it must be discerned whether they are naturally talented or spiritually gifted. Lots of good speakers speak in churches, yet the content of their speeches let you know they don’t have the spiritual gift of preaching or teaching.

The proof of a spiritual gift is that people are edified and helped, not whether the person who did it is good at it.

In the end, all the times I was told “it’s not my gift,” guess who ended up doing that stuff? I did. I can attest to you not all these things were my spiritual gift. But I did it anyway because it had to be done I loved the people who needed the help.

That’s not me patting myself on the back. This was hard. It stretched me, but it also made me better at exercising spiritual gifts. I learned a ton and I think was able to help people. I wanted others to get this same great experience.

But I couldn’t get them off their butts to go help.

Spiritual gifts are not determined by you looking at yourself and seeing what your pride thinks you’re good at.

Spiritual gifts are determined by what needs your church has and by how your love responds to those needs.

The church has really messed this issue up and most Christians, instead of seeing spiritual gifts as reason to be helpful, instead use them as excuses to be lazy.

This shouldn’t be so.

There is a more excellent way: LOVE. Love people and spiritual gifts will take care of themselves.

_____________________________________

If you’d like to hear more of my annoyance with how churches are completely blowing it, I wrote a book. CLICK HERE to get a copy of it. There are 9 tips for how to not grow your church for only $3.50!

Why I Get Depressed When I’m Around Christians (as far as I know)

About 90% of the time I’m around Christians, I’m more depressed afterwards than before.

I said this on Twitter and someone replied, “Either you or they are not doing it right.”

I’m aware of this, and this deepens my depression.

I will fully admit that this experience is at least partially, if not entirely, my fault. I imagine I’m a proud, egotistical, self-righteous, judgmental jerk. I’m saying that honestly. The odds this is entirely the case are pretty good.

So, that’s one option, and probably the first one on the list. But for the sake of argument, I’ll pretend there is at least a percentage that might be their fault.

If we grant that possibility, here is my explanation of my depression around Christians.

Also, let me add real quick, that the 10% of the time I’m not depressed around Christians is very real. I am not depressed after a conversation with a Christian where we talk about the Bible and get into swapping verses and thinking together through a question, while we both come up with other verses, and by the end everyone present has been edified and it’s so cool.

This is generally one-on-one style of communication, but I’ve also occasionally had it in a group setting.

Now, to the 90%. Here’s how it goes.

1. Every time I go into a Christian environment, I pray for me, for everyone else there, and anyone who opens their mouth. I pray that we are all edified and brought closer to Christ. This is my sincere desire for every meeting of believers. This is my constant prayer going into any Christian gathering, whether it’s a church service or grabbing lunch.

2. As mouths open, I am routinely shocked by the unbiblical nonsense that almost immediately comes forth. Once one weird thing has been said, I begin praying, “Lord help me to know what to say, how to say it, and if I should say it.” I usually wait, hoping, praying someone else heard it too.

3. Inevitably, the next open mouth will not only not correct the first mouth that opened, the second mouth will dig the hole of unbiblical nonsense deeper.

4. As the unbiblical nonsense is shared, I get a pain in my gut. You know that feeling when you have diarrhea that first time and you’re not sure what’s going on yet? Yeah, that feeling. The physical pain in my stomach increases until I must say something.

5. I carefully and as humbly as possible (not always possible unfortunately) quote a verse and try to steer the conversation back to biblical solid ground.

6. People either stare at me, laugh, argue, or ignore what I said. Rarely ever has anyone taken the bait to actually correct where the conversation is going.

7. I am now the bad guy, the one who made it awkward, the one who is “sowing division.”

8. I leave the gathering feeling terrible about everything. I pray earnestly for the people who said unbiblical nonsense and for me and for the church, and for, dear Lord, please come quickly.

9. Then I go home and hash and rehash what was said. Was I right? Were they really wrong. I look up stuff. I pray. I give way better answers to the imaginary replaying of the event in my head.

10. About two days later I’m over it. Now it’s time to go to Wednesday night church and repeat it all over again.

Let me give you an example I had last year. There was a group of 20 or 30 believers talking about Lot in the context of 2 Peter 2, particularly the verse that said righteous Lot vexed his soul over the wicked conduct of the people around him. I was not the leader in any way and am not a pastor of anyone in the group; I’m just another person sitting there.

About four people opened their mouths on this verse and it went like this:

First Person: Lot shouldn’t have moved close to those cities.

Second Person: Yeah, I heard he should have let Abraham choose first.

Third Person: It’s not right to be vexed in your soul.

Fourth Person: Yeah, it was a sin for him to be vexed; he should have been trusting God.

This verse, which is clearly a defense of Lot even though we like hating on him, was turned into saying the exact opposite point.

This is one of thousands of examples, some more distressing; some less. All annoying.

When you’re the guy who is always throwing cold water on people’s fun pontificating, people get real tired of you. I decided not to say anything about this one. I let it go. I took my diarrhea feeling home with me.

I never know what to do. But whatever I do is wrong. It never makes any difference to say anything anyway. There are times I have to though, and I hate it every time. I won’t sleep that night.

I was on the phone for an hour today with the cable company to cut my cable. After the hour long conversation I felt terrible. Maybe I was rude. Maybe I should have been more patient. Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything. Maybe the best thing would have been to just keep the cable and avoid the whole situation.

So, maybe it’s just me and my insecure introvert awkwardness.

I like to think my sadness over the unbiblical nonsense spoken by so many Christians might have something to do with me being in the body of the Man of sorrows who was acquainted with grief. I like to think it’s me following James’ advice to turn my laughter into mourning. I like to think this response is a good thing and shows my spiritual discernment.

Then again, knowledge puffs up.

Nothing I do ever feels like it was the right thing to do. It’s all very depressing.

I know there are many people who can’t relate to all this. I know “It’s not your job to fix people,” and “it’s not your responsibility.” I know all that. I never said any of that.

I’m looking at it more from the standpoint of judgment day and me giving an account for how well I handled God’s Word (which will judge us by the way) and how well I helped others handle God’s Word too.

If I didn’t love people, if I didn’t care, none of this would bother me. That’s my other justification. It just shows how great my love is for others.

Could be, then again, I probably just want to be right.

I don’t know.

I skipped church for two weeks straight last month and it was the happiest two weeks of the year.

________________________________

If you’d like to hear more about my depression caused by pastoring Christians, I wrote a book. CLICK HERE to get a copy of it. There are 9 tips for how to not grow your church for only $3.50!

Pastoral Ministry is Warfare

Paul calls Timothy’s ministry “warfare.” I love this (1 Timothy 1:18).

The word means military service, your tour of duty. I’ve heard many pastors who retired or left the ministry talk about their time in it. Certainly sounds like guys returning from the battlefield to swap war stories. I know I have mine.

Ministry isn’t easy and there are many battles to be fought. The first battle is with your own sin, pride, and various other things that can take you down.

That’s why Paul tells Timothy right after this to “hold faith and a good conscience” (1:19). Stick with the faith, you’re not done, the just shall live by faith. A good conscience, which is informed by Scripture and empowered by the Holy Spirit, will keep you from veering from it.

Whatsoever is not of faith is sin. When you lose grip on faith, sin happens. When sin happens, the spiritually mature person’s conscience will alert them.

If you veer from the faith and your conscience is spoiled or hardened, you will make shipwreck of your faith and your ministry will be a disaster.

Paul mentions Hymeneaus and Alexander in verse 20. These two guys did leave the faith and lost their good conscience. Paul handed them over to Satan.

This is the second battle the pastor will face: Battling idiots in the church. False teachers, deceivers, and just plain old ignorant fools are making a mess of the church. The pastor’s overseer and protector job is largely concerned with these people.

One of the hardest parts of being a pastor for me was seeing my own battle with sin, and yet having to discipline someone in the church for their sin and the division they were causing in the church because of it.

“Who am I to do this?”

Part of this was my fault for not taking my sin seriously enough to knock it off. Part of it was insecurity, sometimes brought on by a bad conscience. I knew my sin. I knew the rationalizations my flesh made with it. What if they find out? What if they do ask me “Who are you to tell me” when they actually might have a point?

I hated church discipline situations. Having the awkward conversations that had to be confronted. Hated every second of it.

In hindsight, I could have been better at keeping the faith and a good conscience. If I had done that, I imagine I would have approached these battles with more confidence in the Lord. I kind of have to say though, that my recurring battles with sin did keep me humble and I think that helped in some of these situations.

But that’s probably just more self-justifications.

Ministry is war. If yours isn’t, you either have a perfect church or you’re not paying attention to yourself and your sin, or to people in your church.

I know some happy pastors who don’t view their ministry as warfare. They seem to have zero self-awareness and confront no one on anything ever.

You can indeed have a non-warfare ministry if you desire one. It won’t help anyone and don’t be shocked if false teaching overtakes your church at some point.

And, just so we don’t forget: we wrestle not against flesh and blood. The weapons of our warfare are not physical but spiritual.

There’s another realm of warfare going on too. I felt it several times during my 21 years in ministry warfare. There was definitely something bigger going on. Too many coincidental things to be merely coincidental.

If you’re not feeling the slings and arrows in ministry, you’re probably not doing much spiritual ministry. If you are feeling the battle, congrats! Good job. It means you’re probably doing something right.

At all points of the battle, before, during, or after, hold fast to the faith and a good conscience. Do battle with your own sin and pride.

Don’t shipwreck yourself or others.

Fight the fight!

________________________________

If you’d like to hear more details about my depressing experiences pastoring my church, I wrote a book. CLICK HERE to get a copy of it. There are 9 tips for how to not grow your church for only $3.50!

Don’t Forget Pastor: You’re a Sinner

In 1 Timothy, Paul says he is the “chief of sinners.” He’s #1 in the sinner rankings. Many have noted that Paul said earlier in his ministry that he was less than the least of all saints and less than the other apostles.

Paul had a serious view of his sin. Paul was a man. Never forget that biblical people were still human. Paul sinned, not just in the past, but all his life. When you see your sin, it is depressing.

I’ve heard Christians say that because of Christ’s forgiveness you shouldn’t have any regrets or shame about the past. I understand the point. Paul also said to “forget those things that are behind.” But to have a calloused attitude toward sin, to not be humbled by your trespasses, seems dangerous territory.

Paul was in ministry. Ministry has a way of making you see other people’s sins, and boy howdy will you see them. You’ll see and hear about so many of them you might be tempted to think, “What is wrong with you people?” Perhaps you’ll follow that up with, “Lord, thank you that you did not make me like those sinners.”

As soon as sin becomes “what other people do” and you view yourself as better than those lowly, evil sinners, you should resign.

Yes, forgiveness is great and yes, God has removed our sin as far as the east is from the west. We should press toward the mark and forget what is behind. But never forget you were and are a sinner.

The flip side of not seeing your sin is to have a hardened conscience, which in the Bible is always a characteristic of unbelievers. If we say we have no sin we are liars.

Paul knew his sin, remembered his sin, and regretted his sin. This is normal and healthy, a mark of true spiritual wisdom.

Paul didn’t beat himself into the ground over it, he didn’t whine and give up in mopey inadequacy. Paul saw the sin, but also saw the greatness of His Savior. Read the full quote:

The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost. But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life. To the King of the ages, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen.

–1 Timothy 1:15-17

Paul saw his sin right along with the greatness of his Savior, leading him to worship his great God.

There are many reports of pastors falling into disgrace. Typically this happens because they don’t take their sin seriously. They fixate on and yell about the sins of others, while feeling their “sins” are justified because of their spiritual position. They revel in their “Man of God” status, they feel they are God’s gift to humanity, the whole church needs them and their wisdom.

You’d never hear any of them say they were the chief of sinners, or less than the least of all saints (However, some do belabor this point in humble bragging, which is also a warning sign).

Humility should mark your ministry. Humility is best understood by seeing that you are a sinner, not just them other people, but you, the guy up front, the “spiritual leader.”

Don’t lose sight of your sin, your need for a Savior and the Gospel, and your need for spiritual growth and maturing. Self-righteousness is nothing more than forgetting you are a sinner.

At the same time, you do no one any good to wallow in your sinful misery and be too afraid of the master and bury your talents. Yes, your sin is tremendous, but our Savior and His Gospel are more powerful still.

___________________________________

If you’d like to hear more details about my depressing experiences pastoring my church, I wrote a book. CLICK HERE to get a copy of it. There are 9 tips for how to not grow your church for only $3.50!

I Am Grateful for My Years in Pastoral Ministry

Although I have enjoyed making fun of and complaining about and whining about and being cynical about pastoral ministry for years, I have to say, my years as a pastor were one of the best things that ever happened to me.

I consider it all to be a giant blessing and honor.

Before I get too uncharacteristically carried away in positivity, let me say that I did not feel this way during most of my years in ministry! There were brutal days. I was swallowed up in deep depression for years.

The struggles were real. The lack of money was real. The pressure to please people was real. The humiliation and disrespect were real. It was all real and felt horrible.

But over time, especially now that I’m out, the clarity of hindsight has shown me what a great thing all the misery was. Tribulation works patience, experience, and hope, and hope does not make ashamed.

It’s through those tough times that I lost confidence in myself and was driven to God’s Word, the Holy Spirit, and the comfort of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

If those terrible things had never happened, if everything had gone well instead, I fear to think of what my spiritual state would be today.

I was not equipped to handle success as a young man. I know I would have become a massively arrogant jerk. I would have been one of those fallen pastors we enjoy posting about on Twitter. I needed to be cut down. Being a pastor in the church I was in cut me down very well.

Paul says in 1 Timothy 1:12-14:

I thank him who has given me strength, Christ Jesus our Lord, because he judged me faithful, appointing me to his service, though formerly I was a blasphemer, persecutor, and insolent opponent. But I received mercy because I had acted ignorantly in unbelief, and the grace of our Lord overflowed for me with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.

I don’t claim to be appointed like Paul was. I had no Damascus Road experience with my ministry spelled out for me. Nor can I claim my past life was the result of ignorance in unbelief.

I grew up in a pastor’s family. We had Bibles everywhere. My ignorance was entirely due to laziness and self-righteousness. It wasn’t until that was beaten out of me and I was driven to the Word for lack of other options, did I start to become less ignorant.

Now I can give thanks to the Lord for the opportunity I had to serve Him, as flawed and pathetic as it seemed to be. It was an honor to teach God’s people from God’s Word. I should have been more grateful during it.

The Lord is the ultimate judge of our ministry. Endeavor to please Him, never forgetting that we do the job to serve Him. It’s not for the pay, the prestige, the respect, the power, the influence, or any number of other possible candidates that drive people into pastoral ministry.

It’s to serve our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. What an honor and privilege it is.

___________________________________

If you’d like to hear more details about my depressing experiences pastoring my church, I wrote a book. CLICK HERE to get a copy of it. There are 9 tips for how to not grow your church for only $3.50!