A Loving Ministry Will Kill You

1 Timothy 1:5
The aim of our charge is love that issues from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.

Paul charged Timothy to keep the church in Ephesus faithful to the apostle’s doctrine (1:3-4). He was to do this by avoiding other doctrines, myths, and endless genealogies.

The whole point of the charge given to Timothy is love.

Love is a big deal with God.

This probably has something to do with the fact that God is love. Could be.

Unfortunately, we’ve totally destroyed the word love. I have no idea what you think love means.

1 Corinthians 13 is the best biblical definition of love, but it’s long. Has a lot of verses. So maybe the ultimate best definition of love in the Bible is this: Greater love has no man than this, than to lay down his life for his friends. Or perhaps: God demonstrated His love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

The ultimate expression of love is the Gospel itself. That God the Creator died for His rebellious creation. Amazing love how can it be, that thou my God shouldst die for me?

Having all the right doctrine along with the ability to avoid evil impulses in your ministry is all good, but if there’s no love, you’ll have problems.

This harks back to 1 Corinthians 13: if you have all knowledge and yet no love, it profits you nothing. Knowledge puffs up, it’s what it does. Knowledge needs love.

Love rejoices in the truth. Therefore, one must conclude that love sometimes hurts. Only a loving father corrects his son.

This love is no joke. Proving you love someone by saying you do is not the deal. This love is to come from a PURE heart, GOOD conscience, and SINCERE faith.

All those words mean the same thing: undiluted, genuine, true and honest by any examination.

You can’t play at love.

If a pastor does not love the people under his charge, he will not feed or protect them. There are many hirelings in the church today, pastors who are in it for the money, power, prestige, the challenge of growing an institution, or for who knows what fleshly reason.

The only reason for anyone to be a pastor is to give yourself away serving others. You do this through the proper understanding and teaching of God’s Word. This will first of all change your life, and then spread to change lives around you.

If you’re not approaching your ministry with love, your doctrine will suffer and the people under your care will suffer.

There are pastors in the ministry for wrong reasons. They don’t love the people, oh they say they do, they do showy things to make it appear as though they love, but most are getting selfish gain for their public displays. I’ve heard many pastors bad-mouth the people in their churches or mock them when they aren’t around.

There are a lot of these guys.

Timothy was not supposed to be one of those guys.

If you don’t love the people, if you’re not willing to sacrifice yourself and what you have for them, if you’re not willing to get paid less, or not have days off, it’s possible you don’t love the people.

I know, I know, there should be healthy boundaries etc. From a human and business perspective, of course. Duh.

From the standpoint of your Savior who gave Himself for you, maybe not. The Apostle Paul said, “I die daily.” He didn’t say, “I die daily, I mean, except for my days off. I mean we all need sabbaticals and days off. Oh and I better be compensated fairly for that too. Holiday pay right?”

I’m sure this is dangerous advice and causes pastors to burn out and destroy their mental health.

Oh well. Endure hardness as a good soldier of Jesus Christ. We’re too soft in our day. We’re also too busy doing tons of stuff that no church or pastor should be doing. Busy work is what’s burning people out, not actual ministry and teaching the Word.

Get your priorities right. Cut the junk that is not edifying people. Give yourself away. Take up your cross and deny yourself. Whoever loses His life for Jesus’ sake will find it. Stop being a wuss. Instead, get biblical perspectives and priorities and give yourself over to your Commander and Shepherd who gave His life for you.

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Is Your Church’s Leadership Paying Attention?

In my many years of familiarity with churches, I’ve noticed that many people in positions of church leadership have no idea what’s going on in their churches.

And let me make clear that the church I was a pastor of was no exception.

I took my role as pastor/overseer seriously and felt the role required utmost attention since I would give an account before God. Souls were at stake and I wanted to be careful.

The people on the church board were mostly checked out though. This was frustrating on several levels:

1) They had no idea what was going on and they didn’t care. They were “busy.” They had zero time for church considerations. Oh sure, they mostly showed up for meetings and said “aye” at the right time, but they spent very little time thinking seriously about what the church was doing.

I remember one month at a board meeting asking them if they prayed about the church. They unanimously said no, not with any regularity. I asked them in the coming month to do so. They said they would. “Aye.” I asked them at the next board meeting if they prayed regularly for their church. They all said “no.”

This broke my heart. I can’t even get them to think enough about the church to take a few minutes a day to pray for it, how in the world are they going to be effective and helpful leaders in the church?

2) Even if a few people are paying attention, no one understands concerns when brought up. The one guy paying attention gets branded as “that guy” who is “always against everything.” After a while that guy isn’t listened to.

For most of the years as a pastor the board of the church was not involved in anything in the church. It was actually a rare occasion when all board members would be at church on a Sunday morning. “Why didn’t you choose more faithful people to be on the board then?” you may ask. There weren’t any others. These were it.

If they are never at church activities seeing what I’m seeing, how are they going to care? “Just do what you want, that’s why you get the big bucks” was actually a regular answer I received from the board. Doing what I wanted wasn’t the point. Having a group of dedicated people in agreement, and having each other’s backs, and ultimately the health and safety of the church as a prime concern, was the point.

I’m in a church now as not a pastor. I have no official authority of any kind in the church. I struggle with this. Not because I want to be in charge! But I do see how the leadership of the church is not really paying attention. There is so much inconsistency and compromise and sloppiness in adherence to biblical standards, it’s rather distressing to me.

I find myself looking up things just out of curiosity, things that make me wonder, “what’s that about?” I find out. Turns out usually there is a reason my attention was pricked. I’ll ask about it from various members of the church leadership. “Oh, I don’t know what that’s about.” One recently said, “I wasn’t paying attention, I just tune that stuff out.”

There are, in my opinion, pretty dangerous things being floated about in this church, yet this seems to not get anyone in leadership’s attention.

I was unable to get a group in my church to actually care about the church; I know how hard it is to do. I do not stand as one who knows how to do it. I don’t know, I couldn’t figure it out. The inactivity of the board was one of the main things that drove me to resign. Obviously I don’t know how to lead.

I’m wondering if my old church and the church I go to now are exceptions or just how it is. From the various pastors and churches I know about, I’d wager that most churches have barely attentive leadership. How else do we account for the sad state of churches in our day?

Even if they were paying attention to church activities, are any of them regularly in the Word as well? Do they even know what a biblical standard is? What exactly is our guide for decision making? Is anyone paying attention to that? Or have we all agreed to not challenge anything so we can all just coast and get by doing the bare minimum?

Our shepherds are not keeping watch by night or day. Wolves are in sheep’s clothing tearing up the flock. Church leadership is “busy.” Not busy overseeing and protecting, but busy nonetheless.

I imagine this will be a deal on Judgment Day.

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Pastors Should Be Poor

Let me begin by saying that I was a pastor for 21 years and for most of those years I was poor. And, just so we’re clear, my family and I were in the 0% tax bracket. And that’s not because we were playing games with taxes; that’s because we were poor.

And let me also say that the “richest” I was, the time when I was paid the most, was in the first couple years of my ministry. My salary shrunk over time and that was mostly due to my voluntary pay cuts.

The reason I mention this is because I am fully aware of the common assumption that what I personally did is the best and only way to do things. Since I was a poor pastor, therefore, any pastor who wants to be spiritual like me should also be poor.

That probably plays into my opinion some, but I like to think Scripture plays into it more.

The time in my career when I was paid the most was also the time when I was preaching what people wanted to hear. I mostly did this because I didn’t know what else to say. I was preaching the party line, which is pretty much the only line I knew. People were happy and the church grew and I got paid more.

I began to feel terrible about this. The fact I was getting paid a lot, while honestly having no idea what I was talking about, ate at my soul.

To remedy this I began reading the Bible consistently. Over my 21 years of pastoral ministry I read the Bible over 40 times, again, not saying this to sound uber-spiritual, just pointing out what I did to remedy my lack of knowledge.

As I began reading the Bible I began to see that the party line I was taught was not biblical. Being a person with the Holy Spirit, an awareness of my responsibility and accountability before God, and a measure of self-respect, I had to preach what I was learning.

People did not like this. People want their pastors to be sure of themselves, not shifting or changing beliefs. In other words: people don’t want their pastors to grow.

I also noticed how often money was an issue in the Bible. 1 Timothy 6 is pretty much the only passage you’d need to see how dangerous money is to spiritual health, but there are many more.

1 Timothy 6 is in what we call “the Pastoral Epistles.” I imagine there’s a reason for this. Money is dangerous to spiritual health. Going after and getting money leads to spiritual shipwreck. That’s not me; read 1 Timothy 6.

Pastors should be poor for several reasons:

1) The Bible

The Book is pretty clear. You can’t serve two masters, you cannot serve God and mammon (money and all it can get you). This idea was not taught in a corner; it’s all over the place in the Bible once you see it.

2) The Church

The pastor will affect the church. A pastor who is rich, or desires to be rich, will teach false doctrine. To attract people, which is how you get paid more, you will teach what keeps people coming, and you primarily need rich people coming. One of the miraculous signs of the Messiah is not only healing people and raising the dead, but that He would preach to the poor (Matthew 11:5). It’s that astounding and acted as a unique sign. Preaching to the poor doesn’t pay well. Rich pastors don’t bother with such wastes of time.

3) The Judgment

Pastors will give an account for what they said and did in front of a church. You lead by example, whether you want to or not. People will follow. If the pastor has money, people will assume it’s ok. The rich pastor will not preach on the multitude of Scriptures that say money is dangerous. Having money will make your stand before the Lord potentially terrible. Ezekiel 34 is a huge warning to the spiritual leaders of Israel who did their shepherding for their own gain. There is a warning here for New Testament shepherds as well. OT shepherds have already gotten judgment dropped on them, what do you think similar shepherds in the NT will get?

4) The Pastoral Office

Pastoral ministry has an eternal component to it, a spiritual burden if you will. If pastoral jobs pay well, it will attract people who want money rather than those with a spiritual burden to serve. It will be harder to tell who really has spiritual priorities if the pay is good. Benefit packages should not be why a pastor wants a job.

5) The Pastor

The Bible is clear that money has the potential to destroy your soul. It will choke out fruitfulness. As a pastor gets paid more, spiritual vigor will decline and focus on material things will increase. Good soldiers of Jesus Christ endure hardness. Rich people get soft. You’ll lose more battles. Your soul is at stake.

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I’m not saying churches should slash pastoral salaries tomorrow. I’m not praising churches that underpay their pastors out of their own stinginess, or to “teach him a lesson in trusting God.”

What I’d prefer, what I’d recommend, is that all pastors consider this very carefully. Decide between you and the Lord how much money you actually need. If necessary, take a pay cut. Not out of arrogance or to be seen, but out of a faithful accountability to God. Pastors should be people who don’t mind being poor and prefer it to be so. That’s the point.

Money is a huge issue in the Bible. It doesn’t get taken seriously in our affluent age. Luckily for us, our affluent age is about to take a hit, whether you choose it or not! This will work out just fine for everyone who already knows money is a sham anyway. Lead the way, pastors!

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If you’d like to hear more of my accumulated pastoral “wisdom” that shrunk my church, I wrote a book. CLICK HERE to get a copy of it. There are 9 tips for how to not grow your church for only $3.50! And, in a consistent effort to remain poor even while not a pastor anymore, I only get $1 of profit from each book sold!

7 Ways for Pastors to “Love the People”

When I was preparing to be a pastor, an older pastor told me, “Love the people. That’s the biggest thing. You’ve gotta love the people.”

As a young, idealistic pastor-in-training I had no idea what that really meant. If you asked me to nail that down, I suppose I would have said something along the lines of, “Be nice and talk to them. Shake their hands. Something like that?”

After 21-years of being a pastor, and now being out of pastoral ministry and observing pastors from the “layman’s” perspective, here are the top things I think it means for a pastor to “love the people.”

1. Love rejoices in the truth.

Love doesn’t mean tolerating sin or downplaying scriptural standards of Christian conduct for fear of offending and losing attenders. The pastor who told me to “love the people” frequently told people their sin was ok, that they didn’t have to worry about it because of grace. His idea of love meant “be inoffensive” to people. If you are not pointing out truth and error you are not loving people.

2. Love feeds the people.

The idea of preaching and teaching the Word is repeated in the Pastoral Epistles something like 12 times. It’s a big deal. People in your church have been put under your charge. You are the one primarily responsible for feeding them. If your people are starving, it’s hard to see how you are being a good shepherd that loves his sheep. Give them solid meat to chew on!

3. Love protects the people.

Shepherds feed and protect the sheep. There are plenty of wolves out there, some in sheep’s clothing and some very plainly walking around looking like wolves. Be on guard. Warn the people. Protect the people. Call out sin and false teaching. Don’t be afraid to enact biblical church discipline for the purpose of restoring people into paths of righteousness.

4. Love shows up.

Be there for people. Don’t get so sucked into your schedule that you can’t take time out to make a hospital visit or be available in crisis moments. Also, don’t just wait for crisis moments! Be with your people. Know them. Set up times to visit their work place or homes. This used to be common, but with texting it is less so. Some people are uncomfortable with the idea so check first. But be available. There are always healthy limits, but there are probably other duties you do that can be put off or delegated so you can be with the people.

5. Love knows how to listen.

Some think “love the people” means to be an extroverted schmoozer. That’s not it at all. Shut up and listen! It’s awful hard to know what to say to edify people if you’re never hearing what they are saying. Shut off the auto-responses, the pastor voice, and trite answers. Drop the knee-jerk defensiveness that keeps you from being corrected. Shut off the part of your brain that formulates responses before the other person has stopped talking. Listen. Listen to the extent that you remember stuff. Bring up that stuff later. Ask follow-up questions next time you see them. People in our world are not used to being listened to. Be an exception.

6. Love serves.

Be available for menial tasks. Clean the toilets in your church every once in a whole. Don’t be above others. Not saying you do everything, just saying be careful not to get uppity, feeling like you are above others or above certain jobs. Be humble. Look for opportunities to humbly serve. Wash some feet out there!

7. Love is strong.

Make sure you’re growing. If you’re not advancing in your faith, how will you help others advance in theirs? Bear burdens. If someone in the church has to sacrifice, let it be you. Again, there are healthy boundaries, but lead in sacrificing. Take a pay cut instead of cutting support for struggling but faithful missionaries. As the KJV says, “Quit ye like men.” Be strong. Set your face like flint, armor up, take up your cross, and bear one another’s burdens.

There are probably more things to add. Love is a gigantic topic in the New Testament, kind of the whole deal. Pastors, you gotta love the people. I hope this helps you think through better how you can do that.

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A Warning About “Practice What You Preach”

“Practice what you preach” is an old phrase and conveys a solid point. Preachers who don’t do what they preach are hypocrites and do the church no favors.

But the flip side of the phrase also conveys a warning. There are preachers out there who only “preach what they practice.”

These preachers, often unwittingly, avoid preaching on subjects that they are guilty of violating. Or preach to justify their guilt.

Doctrinal shifts sometimes arise out of a preacher’s guilt.

Some pastors will never mention pornography because their own guilt on the issue keeps them from preaching against it. There is at least some nobility to this; they have a desire to practice what they preach! If they can’t practice it; they don’t preach it.

The better option is to do battle with pornography, however.

Some preach to justify the sin of others they value. Sometimes the preaching changes to accommodate changing societal views of certain sins, or to quiet the squeaky wheels in the congregation.

I know pastors who had kids walk away from the faith and very soon after become strident proponents of “Easy Believism.” One gets the impression they preach to justify their kids into heaven.

Paul’s qualifications for church leadership are all moral/character issues. A preacher’s guilt will influence what is preached. Do battle with sin. In fact, a preacher should have a consistent track record of battling and getting victory over sin.

Most false doctrine arises out of sinful conduct. A guilty conscience will warp your understanding of Scripture and what you say about Scripture.

Doing God’s will is the first step to knowing and preaching sound doctrine. If you skip that step, you and your hearers will be led astray.

Yes, practice what you preach, but also improve your practice, so you can preach what you practice.

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Pastors: Battle the Wimpy Gospel that’s Overtaken the Church

One of the primary pastoral battles I fought was combating the wimpy Gospel that has consumed the church.

The wimpy Gospel goes something like this:

Christ died for your sins. If you believe that, all your sins are forgiven. No matter what you do, you’re saved and forgiven. Don’t worry about doing good works or bearing fruit. You don’t have to do anything, in fact, if you try to do good, be careful! You might be falling from grace and into legalism.

This sort of Gospel doesn’t always sound like this, sometimes it sounds more spiritual and theological. Other times it’s flippant and over the top happy. It has grains of truth in it, that’s why it’s so deceptive.

But the bottom line of this wimpy Gospel is: cool, now that you’re saved you can sin and get away with it! If we get away with sin, why bother fighting it or doing good!

I preached in a church not long ago about 1 Corinthians 9 where Paul said he made his body his slave, disciplined it so he could run to win. I encouraged people to go for it, use all that is available to you in the Gospel, put it to use, use some energy, zeal, and striving to get eternal reward. The sermon was meant to encourage, to provoke action, to stir people to use Gospel provision. Athletes do massive work for temporal rewards that someone else will eventually take. We have so much better stuff to go get, where is our discipline and effort?

I was told afterwards that the message was dangerous because it told people to do good works.

It’s unreal. Christians spend all week working, putting in time and effort for money. They use effort and discipline to pursue their hobbies and exercise, even their stupid golf game. They get into various diets and regulate their calorie intake. Everything important in life they work at to get a desired result. It’s how life works.

But then they come to their faith and there’s just nothing. Not only is there no exercise or discipline, but they have invented doctrines to excuse their apathetic laziness. “Grace” is typically the word that these excuses get pinned on.

“Faith” is another one. “It’s by faith, not by works!” Yes, salvation certainly is by faith. I cannot work my way into salvation. I cannot remove my sin and guilt. I cannot rebirth myself into a spiritual creation capable of entering eternal life with my Savior.

But with faith it is possible to please Him. We’ve turned the Gospel into “the thing that saves me and doesn’t pay off until I’m dead and in heaven.” It’s as if the Gospel has nothing to do with the life in between salvation and death.

The gospel is new life in Christ Jesus. By faith we were crucified with Him, buried with Him, and raised up with Him to newness of life. A new life where we yield the members of our body as instruments of righteousness and bring forth fruit unto holiness with the end everlasting life. Eternal rewards are held out for us.

You will stand before God someday. Many are expecting to hear “well done, good and faithful servant” because they said a 34 second prayer when they were six and proceeded to do jack squat with the Gospel since.

The Gospel is here to transform the life. We decrease and Christ increases. No longer I who lives, but Christ who lives in me. We are to grow into the perfect man Christ Jesus. Yes, we will not fully be like Him until we see Him as He is, but until then you can have as much of Him as you want to go get in this present world.

Yet anytime this hope, this joy, this goal, this privilege is held out for people to go get, I’m met with charges of legalism and works righteousness and accusations I think salvation is earned by our merit.

Nope, I’m just saying if you truly understand what Christ is holding out for you, the blessing and fruit that are available: then go get it! Paul says to remind them to do good works so they are not unfruitful.

We’ve exaggerated faith without works so much people think works are still evil even after salvation. I’ve had believers tell me that even after salvation all their works are filthy rags.

Whatever it takes to get us out of responsibility is what we go to. No one wants to be accountable. But to whom much is given, much is required. We’ve been given a ton in the Gospel. It is required in a steward that they be found faithful.

I said this for 21 years in a church and pretty much everyone left. I said all this in a church a few weeks ago and was told it was a dangerous message.

I don’t get it. I want more of Christ. I don’t know about you. I do. I’m attempting to do all I can to get as much of Him now as possible. The New Testament is filled with commands about how to do this, what to do, what works to pursue. This isn’t dangerous; this is life more abundant.

The Church better wake up. Bad times are coming and we’re soft. Hardly anyone is preparing. No one is exercising or disciplining themselves. A test is coming, The Day is right around the corner. I suggest we get ready. It is high time to wake out of slumber.

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The True Sorrow Of Ministry

One of the hardest parts of ministry was not about my sacrifice or suffering, but watching other people’s lives degenerate and explode.

I didn’t mind giving up my time and energy to help people. I didn’t mind the personal cost that much. Sure there were moments of frustration or self-pity, especially when I couldn’t afford to eat good food, but it was part of the gig, a thing I was resigned to. Plus I knew that on Judgment Day none of that stuff would loom large.

I did not resign from being a pastor because of my own suffering. I resigned because I couldn’t bear to know that much about so many people, give so much effort to help them hear God’s Word, yet see them reject it and do the exact opposite, and then watch their inevitable demise.

It broke my heart.

I watched devastating things happen to many people and families. I mean terrible, awful stuff.

In many cases it was stuff I preached and counseled about. Stuff I saw coming. Stuff I prayed about with anguish for hours. Stuff I warned individuals about. All for naught.

Any time I expressed this idea of the pain of watching people’s lives explode, people always lectured me about me. “Well, you can’t fix people. That was your mistake. You can’t take it personal.”

No. See, you’re missing my point.

I wasn’t taking it personal. I was mourning and weeping for people who didn’t even know any better to be weeping and mourning over their own messed up lives.

This isn’t some kind of arrogant, prideful, “If only they had listened to me they would have been saved” Messiah complex thing.

This is simply the absolute devastation I felt in the core of my being watching people slowly reject God and slip toward hell.

It wasn’t about me not getting props or respect or attention. I wouldn’t care who got that. I just hated watching more people desert the faith and wither away.

The one thing that consoled me was seeing so many faithful people in the Bible feel this same thing.

The Apostle Paul said he would rather be accursed from Christ if it meant his kindred Israelites would be saved. He said he had continual sorrow in his heart for them.

Isaiah cried out, “Woe is me, for I am undone, for I am a man of unclean lips and live in the midst of a people of unclean lips.” I recognized my own inadequacy, my own struggle with sin, and then seeing so many others go down and lose the fight. Seeing it all fall apart. Watching the church disintegrate as a byproduct of lives disintegrating.

Jesus Christ wept over Jerusalem because how often He would have gathered them as a hen gathers her chicks, but they would not be gathered. Jesus was prophesied as a man of sorrows acquainted with grief.

Without this testimony of Scripture I would have felt alone. Elijah and I would be weeping by ourselves. But there are so many more who feel the pain and weep.

I wept for 20 years over people and prayed continually for them. Nothing seemed to matter. I faithfully did my job as best I could according to Biblical standards. I hung in there as long as I could.

But I’m a guy who feels things. I wish I wouldn’t, but I did and still do. I still weep when I think of the church, the people, and the disasters I witnessed. I did it as long as I could.

Although the urge to go back into pastoral ministry pops up occasionally, the memories of the pain keep me unable to do so. Call me a wimp or a quitter. The Lord will judge me. I say with Paul, “for me it is a very small thing that I should be judged by you, I judge not my own self.”

The Lord will judge me at that Day. I imagine we’ll commiserate, and I look forward to a nice long talk while we walk on a trail through the woods and in the end, a snack, and a hug from my Lord and Savior.

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If you’d like to hear more of my accumulated pastoral “wisdom,” I wrote a book. CLICK HERE to get a copy of it. There are 9 tips for how to not grow your church for only $3.50!

This is What Caused Me to Resign From Pastoral Ministry

Over 21 years of pastoral ministry I heard many criticisms and compliments. Some really hurt. Some were ridiculous. Some were right.

But the thing that wore me out, the thing that drove me to resign, was not the criticisms or compliments, it was the mundane apathetic silence.

I shared my heartfelt study of the word week after week largely to be ignored, or worse, people went the opposite direction. I counseled, warned, encouraged, did the things I thought I was supposed to do.

Nothing. Nothing followed by nothing followed by eventual destroyed lives.

There are depths of frustration and sorrow you get to when you know you’re bringing exactly what people need (the Gospel and God’s Word) to solve their problems and yet it gets rejected.

In other words, it wasn’t the personal attacks and criticisms that wore me out. It was watching lives implode while yelling the wisdom of God into the abyss they kept falling further into.

Criticize me all you want. Find fault with how I speak, spend money, dress, and all the other stuff. I don’t care. Not an issue. But please listen to the wisdom of God.

At the same time, some people thought simply complimenting me would have made me continue. Some have expressed regret, “We should have appreciated you more.”

I appreciate that, but it’s not the issue really. No amount of compliments will make up for watching lives implode on a regular basis despite efforts to help.

And yes, I know, God is the one that grows people and I can’t do anything. I know. I get that. It still hurts. As Paul said, “Knowing the terror of the Lord we persuade men.” Yet people don’t respond, which is why Paul also said he had “continual sorrow in his heart” by watching his people resist the truth.

I knew where many people were headed and it wasn’t good. I called out to them, begged them, pleaded with them, warned them, comforted them, and I did all that as God by His Spirit worked through me.

I didn’t need a buzz from people to keep me going. I felt a burden from the Lord to serve and teach and pray and do all things for all men so that by all means I might win some.

Eternally I will be judged and rewarded (if deserved) for my ministry. Temporally, on this earth, it looked like it mostly went to waste.

I didn’t need more compliments and fewer criticisms. I learned to not take either one too seriously. What I wanted was to see spiritual life, growth, sanctification, and maturity. With a few exceptions, I mostly saw apathy and lots of sin.

Seeing people grow in Christ would have kept me in the ministry; not more compliments.

I will give an account to the Lord for my ministry. I wanted to do it with joy. Instead I will do it with grief (Hebrews 13:17). This will not be good for anyone involved.

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If you’d like to hear more of my accumulated pastoral “wisdom,” I wrote a book. CLICK HERE to get a copy of it, because that’ll make me feel better about myself!

What Is the Best Way to Help People Spiritually?

I was a pastor for 21 years and was continually around people I had a desire to help, people who were making unbiblical decisions and heading the wrong way. It was heart breaking.

One of the hardest aspects of pastoral ministry for me was the confusion over what I was supposed to do to help people doing crazy stuff.

Helping people spiritually is not easy. The best explanation of it was by Paul in Galatians 4:19, “My little children, of whom I travail in birth again until Christ be formed in you,”

Giving birth is hard, so I’ve heard! Although I’ve never done it, I have watched it. It didn’t look fun. Getting people to grow in Christ feels like that! Perhaps not as intense into a moment, but it hurts.

Childbirth is natural, like, it’s going to happen whether you want it to or not if you’re pregnant. Getting people to grow in Christ is not natural. Many actively fight against it. Trying to get someone to do something they don’t want to do is gut wrenchingly difficult.

It would be nice if the Bible told us how to do it. It does, but you’ll find it’s not exact to specific situations and people.

The Bible presents a broad spectrum of possible ways you can help people. Here are some examples:

1 Corinthians 9:19-23—Paul says he becomes all things to all people so that by all means he might win some. This seems like he’s saying “do whatever you gotta do.”

Jude 22-23—some people you show compassion to and that works, others you actively go grab and drag them out of the fire. No time for compassion, you just gotta go get em.

1 Peter 3:14-16—be ready for when people ask you. If they aint askin, they probably don’t care to hear your opinion.

Matthew 15:11-14—Jesus tells the disciples that the Pharisees are blind leaders of the blind. He tells the disciples to “leave them alone!” That’s fascinating. They will fall into a ditch, so let em. Some people have to hit rock bottom and you should let em go do that.

Philippians 3:15-17—Paul says God will show people where they are off. It’s not always your job. Leave room for God to lead people.

1 Corinthians 5:5—some people you hand over to Satan for the destruction of the flesh. This is primarily talking about church discipline.

So, on one end you do all things for all men to save some, show compassion on some, yank others out of the fire, leave them alone, wait for them to ask, let God show them, and on the opposite end is handing people over to Satan.

Those are quite the options!

So, after 21 years of accumulated pastoral experience and wisdom, what do I think you should do to help people spiritually?

I have no idea.

People and situations are different. I can’t answer specifics, but I’ve at least gained these general insights.

The one theme that runs through the New Testament is that you should pursue righteousness and holiness yourself. If you’re not, odds are they won’t listen to you anyway. And, if you’re not growing in righteousness, it’s debatable that you are the one who is equipped to help anyway.

Before getting all fussy about sawdust in your neighbor’s eye, take the beam out of your eye. Clean your own mess first. There are too many busybodies in Christianity trying to fix everyone.

You’re not everyone’s mom. It’s not your job to fix everyone.

If you are in a place where you think you can help someone, then pay attention. Listen to them. Don’t just judge and lecture without knowing what’s truly going on. Study the Bible. Look at the contexts above to see why they acted this way toward certain people, because there are reasons!

Pray. Really think this over with the Lord. There are no cookie cutter approaches to helping people spiritually. You really need to pay attention to them, you, the Word, and prayer.

Also remember Paul’s warning to consider yourself when dealing with other people and their sin lest you also be tempted. If you struggled with addiction of any sort, maybe you’re not the one to try and deliver others from addiction if you feel tempted to relapse.

Leave room for people to respond to God Himself. Cult leaders make everyone listen to them. God is the enemy at that point. Don’t do that!

Many people obsessed with fixing others actually just like power and the feeling of being needed. It has little to do with helping others and much to do with inflating their pride.

One of the urges to help people or to fixate on the sins of others is to keep you distracted from your own sins. If you’re always the fixer, you convince yourself you don’t need fixing. A guilty conscience often makes people obsess about other people’s problems.

Helping people spiritually is very difficult. If people don’t listen to God very well, I can’t imagine they’d listen to you very well either!

I don’t know how to fix people, but I have figured out this: pray, study the Word, pay attention, listen, pursue righteousness, and consider your own condition first. If you do these things, there’s an off chance you might actually be helpful to someone at some point. But don’t hold your breath!

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If you’d like to hear more of my accumulated pastoral “wisdom,” I wrote a book. CLICK HERE to get a copy of it, because that’ll make me feel better about myself!

How to Overcome Bitterness and Resentment Caused By Church Pain

Many have been hurt by the church, or more specifically, by creepy people in the church.

This shouldn’t shock us. Churches have people in them and people, by nature, do evil things. We’re all arrogant jerks from time to time, some more than others.

But I think in church we have high hopes. Maybe we let our guard down a bit. Maybe we forget that our enemy the Devil is seeking whom he may devour and church is a fantastic staging area for his attacks. If Satan can mess with churches, who knows what fallout that can have?

I was not naïve going into ministry. My dad was a pastor and I lived in his house for 18 years watching churches beat him up. My grandfather, my mom’s dad, was a pastor and I saw what ministry did to him. I went in knowing what was going to happen.

It was still unreal!

Knowing you’ll be rejected does not diminish the actual pain of being rejected. In some ways it seemed to make it worse. Until I personally received rejection from church people, I assumed my dad and grandpa probably to a degree deserved it! I, however, who know everything and am way more betterer, do not. But then it happened to me too.

I was deeply frustrated, angry, and bitter about my church experience, both as a kid growing up in a pastor’s family and as a pastor myself for 21 years. There is a lot of pain. I still tear up over it and I’ve been out of pastoral ministry for over two years. The pain is still right there.

Part of the pain of ministry is knowing the lives that fell apart in front of you, their souls heading right to hell, and there was nothing that I did that prevented that.

I know all the theology about some plant and some water and God gives the increase. I know God is the one who works in people, not my efforts. I know. I know all that. And it still hurts to watch people you love and care for reject truth and destroy their lives and possibly their souls.

I have plenty of pain and bitterness from the church. How does a person get over such things? Where is the relief? Here are some points to consider.

1. We follow Jesus Christ, the man of sorrows, acquainted with grief. He cried over Jerusalem, He wanted to gather them, but they would not be gathered. Ministry, if done right, will hurt. The soldier who signs up for duty, knows it’s going to hurt. It’s not a shock when it does. It’s the “fight of faith,” not the picnic of faith. Ministry will hurt you and hurt you deeply. Embrace that. Come to terms with it. Understand it’s part of the deal. This has helped me let go of the more dangerous side of pain: resentment, vengeance, bitterness, and anger.

2. Know the Gospel. Jesus came unto His own, and His own received Him not. He prayed, “Father forgive them, they know not what they do,” to those who nailed Him to a cross. Gospel love is about giving yourself sacrificially to others and includes massive amounts of forgiveness. Forgiveness is not easy. Put yourself in light of Christ’s forgiveness for you. Forgive us as we forgive those who trespass against us. Forgive others as Christ has forgiven you. Pray for wisdom in truly understanding the Gospel, not just the facts of it, the story, the events, but the actual new life we have in Christ through it. There is no shortcut to ridding yourself of the pain and hurt. Lose yourself in the Gospel and in the person of Christ. It’s no longer I who lives but Christ who lives in me. We die daily. We were crucified with Him, buried with Him, and raised up with Him to newness of life.

3. Remember Scripture. Don’t consider it strange when the world hates you, it hated Christ first. Woe unto you when all men speak well of you. Blessed are you when you are reproached and reviled for righteousness sake. That I may know Him, the power of His resurrection, the fellowship of His sufferings, being made conformable unto His death. If we suffer with Him we will be glorified with Him. All who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution. Endure hardness as a good soldier of Jesus Christ. Read the prophets!

4. Make sure your pain is actually for righteousness sake. Perhaps one reason your experience in church has been terrible is because you have been terrible. This is what makes this issue hard to discuss with a general audience. Some people’s pain from church is because a church rightly exercised church discipline. Our sin leads to a lot of our pain. The fact that you didn’t get your way in a church, not everyone jumped on board with your weird idea, is not persecution! It might just mean you are a sinful weirdo. Consider where the pain is coming from. Sometimes pain is a warning that you’re doing it wrong. Don’t assume your rejection is because you’re so wonderfully righteous! Consider for a moment maybe your own sin contributed. Some of my pastoral pain is because I made mistakes, had bad judgment, or well, sinned. A source for much of my bitterness and resentment about the church is because they failed to make me look good! I wanted to excel at ministry many times simply for my ego. When you get your pride in check, much bitterness dissipates.

5. Christ is supposedly your first love. No amount of stupid in a church should drive you away from Him. The church, the actual people who sit in your local congregation, are not all saved. Your faith is not in people; your faith is in Christ. For some this is empty-headed, “Yeah, no kidding.” But it’s a real point. People who walk away from faith because of the pain they experienced in the church maybe did not have Christ as their first love. And I’m not minimizing the seriousness of the pain that can be experienced in church. There’s some sick stuff going on out there. But Christ didn’t abuse you. People sinned against you, Christ did not. The pain I experienced in church has driven me closer to Christ. I lost all confidence in people and had Him left. It was one of the best things that ever happened to me spiritually, although completely miserable in experience.

These are some points that have helped me. But it still hurts.

There may be some who think all this is weird. They haven’t experienced pain in church. This could be for any number of reasons. Maybe they are in a really good church. Maybe they are oblivious. Maybe they aren’t really loving people truly, just doing actions and busy stuff that look like love, but their heart has been kept back. Maybe they are the ones hurting others. Maybe they are so happy they just don’t see bad stuff. Who knows.

But to the rest of us, those beaten down, those who have contemplated walking away from the church because who needs it? For those who struggle to open their heart again because what will they do next? For those whose hearts drop just walking through the doors of a church:

Don’t leave it. God’s people are in churches. You might have to look harder in some churches, and sometimes you might need to go to a different church. But God’s people are out there. The fellowship of believers, the like-mindedness and peace the fellowship of the Spirit can bring is worth the search and the effort. In the midst of all my pastoral pain, there were always faithful people who loved me and encouraged me, and I hope I did the same for them. They are worth all the other junk. They really are. Hard to believe at some points, but it’s true. You need them and they need you.

There are no easy answers. I have no pithy strategies to enact this Sunday that will take the pain away. But I know the Gospel is all about this issue. If you think the Gospel is only for unbelievers, you got another thing coming!

There is new life in Christ and there is hope. The glories of the new earth will be so great we will not remember anything from this old dump (Isaiah 65:17. Let me just say again: read the prophets!). Eternity with Christ is the only thing that will fully remove all pain, hurt, and bitterness. When we are made like Him when we see Him as He is. Rejoice that your name is written in heaven, press toward the mark, lay hold of eternal life.

Even so, Lord, come quickly.

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If you want to hear more about my failed attempt to do what I could do help a diseased church, I wrote a book about it. CLICK HERE to get a copy, because I went through the trouble of writing it!