Church Growth Advice From a Church Shrinking Pastor

Church Growth fanatics should remember that the plants that grow quickest are weeds.
@FailingPastor

Pastors of small churches are often allured by church growth advice. Who doesn’t want to reach more people? But as soon as a pastor of a small church starts reading this stuff it becomes laughable. Taking my little church in this rural community and doing Southern California suburban church approaches? Riiiiiiight! Pretty sure these church growth antics would shrink my church faster than it currently is.

Get Rich Quick schemes abound. People get scammed in amazing ways by buying into shortcuts. Church Growth and Get Rich Quick schemes sound similar in approach, guarantees, and results.

Ever notice how many mega-church pastors take terrible moral falls? It’s a pandemic, and yet before they fall, all of us little pastors were told to follow their anointed means to achieve spectacular ends.

Why is it that a pastor who has more people suddenly becomes the expert on everything that everyone else must do? What verse in the Bible says, “If something attracts a lot of people it is good and anointed from on high?” There are none, yet there are plenty that talk about popular things being wrong. Remember the broad road with many on it? Remember where that road went?

Since when does popularity equal truth? Since never. Jesus was left alone at the end of His life. Paul stood alone. The prophets thought they were all by themselves, so much that Elijah claimed to be the only one left.

There is zero evidence from scripture that pastoral success looks like lots of people.

Continue reading “Church Growth Advice From a Church Shrinking Pastor” →

Why This Pastor Contemplates Getting Another Job

THEM: As a pastor, what would you do differently if you knew it couldn’t fail?

ME: Get a new job.
@FailingPastor

This really isn’t a joke.

The vast majority of Sundays will find me contemplating getting another job.

It’s not that I hate being a pastor; I actually love it. But, good Lord, it does break a guy’s heart.

I spend all week gearing up, studying, planning, practicing, and hyping myself to preach great messages. I do my best. I’m not claiming to be the best sermon maker or preacher ever, but I do my part to make it as good as possible. I get up and pour out my heart. I pray for people, I pray specifically for passages of Scripture that address issues certain people deal with. Maybe this will be the sermon where they “get it.”

It never is. You work with people for years, only to see them give up, walk away and tell others what a loser you are as a pastor. People get mad, they find fault, they take advantage and take you for granted. Every week.

Sure, there’s a win sprinkled in there every other month or so, a highlight, a glimmer that light may have dawned on someone. But then weeks go by and the glimmer fades and everyone is right back where they were before, except now I’m older and more tired.

Continue reading “Why This Pastor Contemplates Getting Another Job” →

A Pastor’s Typical Depressing Sunday

I pour my soul into my sermons. I use energy, passion, and exuberance to preach. By the time Sunday morning comes, I am chomping at the bit to deliver my message.

When I go over my message on Saturday, I imagine the response I’ll get. People laugh at my jokes. They listen attentively, eyes on me. At the end, when the point comes home, some cry, some fall to their knees and pray, crying out to God for salvation and the work of the Spirit in them. Lives are changed. People hug and support one another. People agree to go witness all afternoon. People renounce their materialism, and although they were going to go to Wal-Mart to stock up on more capitalistic abundance, they instead donate to the poor. I mean, things happen when I preach.

In my dreams.

The reality is that I get to church and everyone arrives late, half-asleep. By the time service is ready to begin; only about 20 people have shown up. Empty chairs outnumber the filled ones. I then notice the individuals who aren’t there. Why aren’t they here? Then I remember certain incidents throughout the week or in last week’s sermon, ope, yup, that’s why they aren’t here. Then I analyze everything I’ve said and done all week to figure out what I did to tick off the other people who aren’t there. By that time, my mind is gone and depression seeps in.

By the time I begin preaching, I’m still racking my brain to figure out why so-and-so isn’t there and what guilt-ridden excuse conversations I’ll again have with them this week. I start the message distracted and feeling down. I repeat my opening point about fifteen times before I gain momentum and energy back. My first joke doesn’t get a laugh. My first illustration passes with no nodding awareness that any words came out of my mouth. My energy amps up despite every effort by others to suck it out.

Continue reading “A Pastor’s Typical Depressing Sunday” →

Why Pastors Skip Verses

Ignoring verses in the Bible doesn’t mean they aren’t still there.
@FailingPastor

We all ignore verses in the Bible. Many verses are inconvenient to our doctrine, our firm statements, and our way of life.

I’m not talking about ignoring verses because you’ve never read them. I mean, you know the verses are there, you just choose to ignore them.

I think of this every time I hear a Calvinist and an Arminian argue. They both ignore the other side’s verses and flop out more of their proof texts. Nothing is resolved except letting the argument’s listeners know that neither person is entirely dealing with the Bible.

This is, in fact, probably the only redeeming aspect of Christian arguing: it lets the hearers know that the talkers have little idea what they are talking about.

Over my years of preaching I have covered every single book of the Bible. I’ve preached many an uncomfortable sermon. Like, uncomfortable to me, ones that hit a little close to home. As a pastor I can choose to skip passages. Maybe end my text right before that one verse because it makes an inconvenient point to my sermon. No one will know, it’s not like anyone is listening anyway.

But I know those verses are there. I know what verses I skip and why I skip them. I have faces that pop into my head when I read verses. “Yup, that guy will get ticked if I bring this up.” Or, “that woman will fly into a tailspin of doubt if I bring that one up.”

Continue reading “Why Pastors Skip Verses” →

Why I Don’t Like Pastors’ Conferences

I am not at a pastor’s conference. I am at home saving money and serving the Lord.

And judging pastors at pastor’s conferences.
@FailingPastor

I don’t like pastors’ conferences. This is not because I am opposed to them, I just don’t like them. Here are the main reasons why:

1) I make very little money. If I were to pay for a trip to a pastor’s conference, that would eliminate lots of money for my family’s use. If I’m going to pay for a trip, it will be for the family. “Wouldn’t your church pay for you to go?” See, here’s the thing: the reason I have little money is because my church has little money. They are paying me as much as they can. Me taking time off, which means dumping my kids on my wife while I’m off by myself, would be selfish at this point (and that is not a complaint, it’s a fact).

2) Free resources abound. Pretty much everything ever written or said about pastoring can be found for free or little cost. I take advantage of these resources, to the extent I already know what they’re going to say anyway.

3) I’m an introvert. The main reason pastors like attending these conferences is for the camaraderie and fellowship, two things I’d rather not do! I’m just one of those people who do not get energy from being with people. It drains me. Small group hugging time gives me shivers.

4) Professional Christianity nauseates me. Hobnobbing with cool pastors who all wear the same glasses just doesn’t gear me up. Networking and comparing notes just makes me not like the church more. Sorry. I know. I have a bad attitude. Guilty. I serve in a poor church with non-suburban people. I do not feel like I fit in cool conference atmospheres. Nor will most of the jargon shared be something that would work in my church anyway.

5) Oh, the singing we’ll do. The singing in Christianity is way too much. I like music. I like singing. I think good group singing is fantastic. But give it a rest already. I just can’t do it with the singing and the worship bands and the hand lifting and the mood manipulation stuff. Been doing this a long time. It’s not my preferred form of worship. It, in fact, tends to get in the way of a worshipful feeling for me. It makes me feel like smacking people. Yes, I know, I have a bad attitude. Guilty.

Continue reading “Why I Don’t Like Pastors’ Conferences” →

The Life-Sucking Properties of Being Ignored

Our church web site provides another opportunity
for people to ignore stuff I do for them.
@FailingPastor

I do not have a church secretary. I’m fairly lucky to have a church at this point. This means that all the little details of running the church fall on me.

I’ve been updating our church website weekly for nigh on 17 years now. I’m the guy that suggested a website and did all the research to find out how to get one up, how to update it, and I even picked up a little coding along the way. Yahoo Sitebuilder was my initial service.

The main purpose of the website is to upload sermon audio. This is so people all around the globe have an opportunity to not listen to my sermons.

For many years I sent out a church newsletter. It was a one page devotional and the back page had announcements and upcoming events. I typed, printed, copied, enveloped, addressed, and stamped all of them every month.

I had a sneaking suspicion no one read them. One month I put in the middle of my devotional this sentence: “If you call me after reading this, I will give you $5.”

Two people called me. Probably about 100 people could have potentially read the letter. Two called. That was enough. After giving them each $5, I stopped doing monthly newsletters.

I also used to do a weekly handout to the church. On the front page would be a review of a book I was reading. For instance, I read Calvin’s Institutes of the Christian Religion and did a one page summary of every chapter. I read through another systematic theology, five volumes worth, and did a page on each chapter.

Continue reading “The Life-Sucking Properties of Being Ignored” →

Spiritually Superior Pastors

THEM: Pride goes before a fall.

ME: Actually, it says, “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.”

*immediately trips over a curb*
@FailingPastor

I consider one of my main jobs to be the preaching of the Word, the whole counsel of God. In order to do that, I came to the startling realization that I better know what’s going on in the Bible.

I know, pretty extreme, but that’s where my brain went.

At a certain point in my career, I decided to read the Bible from cover to cover over and over again. I’ve now read it cover to cover around 40 times. I also began memorizing books of the Bible. I’ve got Romans and Galatians pretty well down.

Yeah, I’m awesome.

I must admit, I’m proud of such feats. It took a lot of work and dedication to do these things, and I continue to do them.

Part of me wants to tell people about my exceptional prowess in taking God’s word seriously. Part of me thinks that since I’ve worked so much with the Bible, people should bow to my understanding of the Bible. “You’ve no doubt never read the Bible like me, so off with you, ya little pretender.”

One evening at a church gathering a guy asked me what Romans 1:25 was. “Pssh, that’s easy,” I thought. “Little does this guy know I have the whole book of Romans in my head.” I proceeded to quote Romans 1:25. “For the invisible things of Him, from the creation of the world, are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made so that they are without excuse.”

Boom! In your face. Now worship my awesomeness!

Instead of worshipping my awesomeness, the guy said, “Uh, I don’t think that’s right.”

Continue reading “Spiritually Superior Pastors” →

Being Too Excited To Preach

The sermons I was most excited to preach were the ones most criticized. Therefore, I have determined to never be excited about preaching.
@FailingPastor

This isn’t even a joke.

This amazed me as a young pastor. Without fail, the sermons I was most excited to preach got the most ridiculous responses from people. I mean, not just that they disagreed with me, but they belittled me, my intelligence, and occasionally called me names.

There was one series I planned for our midweek Bible study. It’s a small group, most attenders were loyal to the church and, I thought, to me.

I was thrilled for this new study. I had done research and even had a cute name for it.

I preached my first Bible study of the series and there was silence, followed by one guy just ripping me to shreds about how dumb it was and by default, how dumb I was for coming up with it. I mean, people commented afterward, “Wow, what was up with that guy?”

This has happened multiple times now. There will be some point, some insight I’m particularly excited to share, and it will inevitably be attacked mercilessly.

I always assume it’s me. Maybe there’s something bad I do when I’m excited. Maybe my energy is taken as arrogance. Perhaps I’m too strong-armed with it. Maybe excitement looks like ATTACK!

Continue reading “Being Too Excited To Preach” →

Being Offended at Church Skippers

Sometimes, when people tell me they won’t be at church cuz they’re going camping,

I pray for rain.
@FailingPastor

I have a very small church. When people are gone you can definitely tell. I try not to guilt people into coming to church. I’ve fought very hard to avoid this. I want people to come because they want to be there.

Unfortunately, I know that the only people who are there are the only ones who want to be there.

I understand having to be out of town and going on vacation. I do, I really do. I don’t begrudge people missing a Sunday here and there.

But there’s still this thing in me, this part that is stabbed in the back whenever people miss church. I admit that I take it personally.

I try not to. I can’t tell you how hard I try not to take it personally. I would strongly encourage any pastor out there to not take it personally when people miss.

But in all honesty, I have no idea how not to do that.

Continue reading “Being Offended at Church Skippers” →

Relevance is Over Rated

I’m pretty sure what Paul meant by “Come out from among them and be separate” was “join them and be relevant.”
@FailingPastor

“You must make the Gospel relevant to where people are at. You have to speak to the culture.”

I understand the intentions and I’m sure advice-givers are good people. I just feel like puking when I hear such advice.

Saying the church must become like the world in order to attract the world is silly. Scripture says nothing about the church being attractive to the world.

Yes, Paul said he became all things to all people so that by all means he might win some.

Paul is not the church. Paul was a person. I can lighten up some of my personal scruples for the sake of evangelism. I can refuse to die on a couple hills out there for the sake of the Gospel. This is a far cry from saying the church needs to put on rock concerts every Sunday with fog machines, followed by a stand-up comedy routine for a sermon.

The church exists for the edification of believers. Ephesians 4 seems pretty clear on this issue. Individual believers go out of the church edified in order to do the work of the ministry—being all things to all that some might be saved.

But if the church sells out to attract the world, then edification of the believers won’t happen and the work of the ministry will not be done.

Continue reading “Relevance is Over Rated” →