Church Is Not an Extension of the Pastor’s Ego

You cannot serve God and mammon. We are to set our affections on things above, not on things of this earth. We are to put our treasure in heaven.

Typically we reserve this for talks about money and the dangers of materialism, which is no doubt true. But there are other facets of life that fit here too.

Including your church.

People count what they see. Then we compare our numbers with other people’s numbers. The guy with the big, growing church is being blessed; the guy with the small, struggling church is clearly doing something wrong.

Some are blunt about this judgment, others cloak it in humble talk, but essentially this idea emerges.

As a pastor, I felt this all the time. When visitors came on Sundays when lots of people were gone. When family visited from out of town and commented how small our church was. When other pastors would drop how their new building expansion was going, while my church met in the junior high.

My ego took a hit. My self-esteem, well, after 21 years pastoring in a church that never broke out of struggle, I basically had no self-esteem.

Breaking out of this pattern of thinking is hard, even harder when seemingly everyone you talk to about church reminds you of how terrible and pathetic your church is and by default, you are as a pastor.

People claim all the time that God is the builder of the church, “we just plant and water and God gives the increase.” A growing church is getting the increase, so God is obviously blessing the planting and watering. A struggling church, well, God has pretty much given up on that thing.

Much discouragement, embarrassment, depression, justifications, and self-loathing overwhelmed my soul. My planting and watering must have all been on stony ground, because I got nothing.

In my moments of despair, I’d cry out to God, why no blessing? Why no growth? Why just pain? Can I get a break? I’d lay it out before Him.

I kept coming back to 1 Corinthians 4:1-5. Paul says it was a small thing to be judged by the Corinthians who doubted his apostleship and belittled his ministry. Paul said he didn’t even judge himself! Even if he thought he was completely justified in everything he did, it still didn’t matter.

The only thing that mattered was God’s judgment.

It doesn’t matter what human judgment is upon you or your ministry, not even your own judgment.

This isn’t jerkish pride either, that “I’m better than others so don’t tell me what to do,” nor is this some sort of cosmic, “Get off my back while I take it easy” kind of thing. This is a serious, you alone before God, judgment.

God will judge your ministry. As he says in 1 Corinthians 3:12-15, which is the same context by the way, all we do on the foundation will be tested with fire.

Lots of people do visibly impressive things that get attention, accolades, and genuinely looks like big things are happening, and maybe there are. Other guys have hardly anything. The amount before the fire isn’t what matters!

What’s left after the fire matters.

I know pastors who are determined to leave a legacy, a visible proof of their effectiveness. Their desire to grow the church doesn’t seem to be out of a desire for spiritual growth in individuals, but a visible growth of externals so they look and feel like a man.

False teachers are in the church. Their bellies are their motivation. They are always talking about money and always have incredible appetites to spend that money, rarely on anything spiritually helpful, often on a physical thing that proves their effectiveness.

God will judge that. He will judge the pastor who sincerely cares about people’s spiritual growth too, with the exact same fire.

It’s possible to have an impressive amount before the fire and after, this is my desire, but I fear for how much is left after.

That’s the only thing that matters.

Yet it’s so easy to get caught up in ego and pride, the desire to have impressive things going on so we feel better about ourselves.

What are we doing ministry for, to impress people, or to have something survive the fire of God’s judgment? Is your church an extension of your ego, or is it Christ’s Body?

If you struggle with pastoral depression like I did, it’s mostly because of comparison with others. It’s mostly an ego hit.

Yes, I did have sorrow in my heart for how many were rejecting God’s word, perverting His Gospel, and leaving, what I felt, was a place that could help them.

I know that was sincerely in there. I also know I was a mopey, whiny pastor who desperately wanted validation.

Examine what gets you bummed out as a pastor. What stirred it up? Was it external comparison, or divine concern for souls? Examine that before the Lord.

Keep planting and watering. God takes care of the increase. It’s true, let Him worry about that part. Be faithful to the Word, in season and out, preach, teach, exhort, rebuke with all authority, and do all of it in light of you standing alone before God.

Only His opinion matters.

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If you want to know more of my experiences as a pastor of a small church, I wrote a book. CLICK HERE to get a copy of it. It includes 9 tested and true tips for how to not grow your church for only $3.50!

The Top Three Weirdest Reasons People Left Our Church

People leaving churches is understandable. Sometimes it’s good for them and sometimes it’s even good for the church. I’ve never thought everyone should be happy at one church, options are good.

I get it when people leave a church I’m pastoring. I’m often fine with it even.

Except when they leave over something that didn’t even happen.

Now, I will grant the point that people who leave over things that didn’t even happen are generally not very helpful members of the church to begin with. They are people who are looking for an excuse to leave, so they make something up so they feel better about leaving.

I get why certain kinds of people do this. It’s still highly irritating though.

There are three examples I remember that top the list for people leaving over things that never happened.

The first was a couple who left because in a sermon I told them they couldn’t raise their hands during singing.

Get this, not only did I never say this, they never once raised their hands while singing before or after I allegedly said this! I was a young pastor at the time and this was the first time this imaginary offense thing happened to me. Blew me away.

The second was a mother who left because I told her that her kids couldn’t take Communion. Again, I never said this. I remember the conversation. I’ve had multiple parents ask me if they should let their kids take Communion. My answer is always the same:

“I don’t know. You’re their parents. Do you think they understand the Gospel and what’s going on with the bread and the cup? If you think they understand it, then let them do it. If you don’t think they understand it, then don’t let them.”

This sounds reasonable to me. Apparently she heard this as me saying “No! Do not let your kids take Communion in my church, sweetheart!”

The third one was a lady who left because we didn’t like single mothers, so we alienated her and didn’t support her. This one Is just, I don’t know. Here’s my main sticking point: She was married the entire time she was at our church! I remember this because her husband was huge and fit and played outfield on our church softball team and was awesome!

But apparently totally reveling in having her husband on our church softball team was too much for her single-motherness to handle, so she left.

I don’t know. I get it and at the same time do not get it at all.

I hope the next time a person who wants to leave my church and is just waiting for a reason to leave, just asks me. I can give you about 21 reasons to leave our church. There’s no need to make stuff up.

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If you want to know more of my fascinating thoughts about church, I wrote a book. CLICK HERE to get a copy of it. It includes 9 tested and true tips for how to not grow your church for only $3.50!

Why Does Your Church do Church Membership?

Church membership was invented to keep track of who can do what in the church. It helps a church judge who is committed to the church.

It sounds good in theory, but unfortunately, church membership has become a tool churches use to manipulate people, in my humble-ish opinion!

Church membership is not in the Bible. Yes, believers are members of the body of Christ, but that’s not the same thing. Verses listed to prove church membership, do not say anything about modern church membership practice.

Church membership typically requires some sort of class, meeting with someone to check out your testimony, and typically requires a person to be baptized.

Church membership is now a number churches track to see how well they are doing. Thus, in order to boost that number, new people are encouraged to “get involved.” In order to “get involved,” a person has to become an official church member.

This also locks in the new person, so they are “forced” to attend church to do their thing they “got involved” in. If the new person is not baptized, many churches use the church membership carrot to manipulate people into baptism.

I find this to be the most troubling part of modern church membership practices.

Churches have a hard time dealing with the fact that if you don’t have any mature believers to do a ministry, then don’t do that ministry. Instead, churches get pumped up to do all their programs and just need warm bodies to fill slots. In order to fill slots, people are rushed through church membership. This misses the entire point of the whole thing!

This also means that many church positions are filled by new believers, or at least new people in the church who the church has no idea who they really are, but hey, go watch these stranger’s kids for an hour since child molesting has never been a problem in churches before.

Obviously you can read my cynicism on the issue quite clearly.

The reason New Testament churches didn’t do official church membership is probably because churches were smaller. You knew the people better. There was also probably more cost to attend since persecution was more prevalent. Only serious people would even bother showing up.

In the little church I was pastor of for 21 years, we did not have church membership. I knew who came, so did anyone else who came. I knew them, they knew me. No relative strangers were plopped into positions of leadership in the church. The elders and deacons of the church paid attention and asked the people who they felt were ready to go do things.

I think that’s the NT model.

Church membership is fine if you want to do it as it’s also not forbidden in the Bible. Go for it. Don’t try to prove it’s a biblical concept though, just do it and say you feel this is the best way for your church in its present shape to do things.

But avoid the trap of making Church Membership this big thing that you rush people into. Don’t use it to manipulate people into being baptized.

If your church does church membership, examine the place it has. How is the church using it? Are people getting baptized because they are identifying with the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ, or are they jumping through a hoop so they can do a thing in the church? Is it just a non-helpful formality at this point, or is it actually achieving its purpose?

I’m not saying not to do church membership. I am saying churches should think about what it truly is and how it’s being used and implemented.

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The Failing Pastor Update

It’s been over four years since I resigned from my pastoral position I held for 21 years.

When I resigned I told my wife, “I’d just like to have a pastor and go to church for a while.”

I was hoping that was going to happen.

Unfortunately, that’s not how things worked out. Due to circumstances that popped up, after three months at the new church we attended, I ended up preaching for five straight months. Then I preached several months more the next year. In the first three years there I preached/taught two-thirds of the Sundays.

Then things got weird.

I don’t want to go into any details and I don’t want to badmouth anyone, but it became obvious I should go.

Several of the people who also had left the church were interested in getting together on Sundays, and well, long story short, I’m sort of being a pastor again.

And yes, I am aware of what this sounds like and I’m also aware of the warnings about starting a new church with disgruntled people from another church. I know everything that could possibly be said about the situation. I know!

Although this is not the route I planned on going down, it’s been good in its own way. I missed being in the arena, I missed preaching, I missed helping people, and having those conversations with people only pastors end up having.

I don’t know how this new preaching gig is going to work out. If the past is any indicator, it won’t work out well! But I’m determined to be better and learn from mistakes and do even better to stick with Scriptural instructions for how such things ought to be done.

The situation is not ideal, but we’re hoping to make something good come out of the weirdness.

If you’re interested, I am posting my sermons on Spotify. You can click here to listen.

We’ll see what this new chapter brings.

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If you want to know how the last pastoral gig went, I wrote a book. CLICK HERE to get a copy of it. It includes 9 tested and true tips for how to not grow your church for only $3.50!

Exploding Churches

History shows us that sometimes churches explode. Things seem fine for a time, then, Boom! Everything gets lit up and people get hurt.

You may think I’m talking about church splits, but I’m not. I’m talking about literal churches blowing up.

Back in the day, primarily during the 17^th and 18^th centuries, churches were the most solid building in town. This was also during the time when lots of gunpowder was used.

The best place to store gunpowder was in vaults underneath those solid churches. Sounds reasonable.

However, not only were churches the most solid structures in town, they were typically the tallest, making them prime targets for lightning strikes.

Uh-oh.

Put those two things together and you get exploding churches.

The biggest church explosion of this kind was in Brescia, Italy, the Church of San Nazaro was struck by lightning on August 18, 1769 exploding around 200,000 pounds of gunpowder. The explosion destroyed a sixth of the city and threw large stones a kilometer away from the epicenter. It is estimated that around 3,000 people were killed.

This event helped the adoption of Benjamin Franklin’s lightning rods. However, it also kicked off a huge debate about whether Franklin’s pointed lightning rods were better than blunt lightning rods. A huge argument ensued.

This sounds way more like modern day church explosions—people who don’t know what they are talking about arguing about stupid things. Experiments later showed that there is no discernible difference in performance between pointy and blunt lightning rods. All the arguing was for naught once again.

Those who don’t know history are destined to repeat it. Thanks to this incident, your church doesn’t have large stockpiles of gunpowder in the basement. Or something.

This story is definitely an illustration just waiting for a sermon.

A Theory About People Thinking My Sermons are Angry

I’ve had opportunities to preach in a couple churches steeped in Easy Believism (apparently the Lord will only allow me to preach in such churches). They think people are saved by “saying the prayer,” and as long as a person said The Prayer, they are saved and don’t have to bother with any growth.

The latest church I’ve preached at have several church leaders that have said multiple times that you can be saved and then murder people every day for the rest of your life and still be saved.

I’m no advocate for people losing their salvation. I am an advocate for salvation is being crucified with Christ, buried with Him, and raised up with Him to newness of life. No longer I who lives, but Christ who lives in me.

Murderers will not inherit the Kingdom of God (Galatians 5:21). We know that no murderer has eternal life in him (1 John 3:15). Seems pretty straight forward.

Anyway, that’s one example of many of this church’s teaching.

Teaching Easy Believism leads to massive apathy. There is no energy directed at spiritual growth. Why would there be? The church leaders tell everyone they are saved and fine, take it easy. No worries.

So, when I get my shot to preach in these places, I endeavor to stir them up a little. Philippians 3 and the last part of 1 Corinthians 9 have been my texts the last few times. Run to win. Reach forward to the prize of the high calling in Christ.

While preaching such things, I get a little excited. I want people to see the depth of the Gospel’s provision, the Lord’s love, and the way awesomer life following Christ rather than following the flesh.

It gears me up because realizing such things transformed my life and faith. I want others transformed by the Gospel as well.

Without fail, after my imploring, beseeching, and stirring people up to follow Christ with some zeal, my emotions will be interpreted as anger.

I can confess that anger is not the emotion I’m going with. Yes, there is some frustration preaching in a church overrun with bad teaching and apathy, but frustration is not my main emotion either.

It’s a desire to call them to something better, something that’s sitting right there, been fully provided by Jesus Christ. Just go get what He offers, people!

Typically, the people who think I’m angry are often the ones I’m most concerned for. It’s like they have no idea what to do with such emotion in a sermon. They think everyone is saved, what’s the big deal? “There’s nothing wrong with us, must be something wrong with that guy preaching.”

My emotions are interpreted as anger; when in reality I’m begging and imploring that very person to use the Gospel’s provision.

After a half hour of explaining how they should forget the things that are behind and press toward the mark, run to win, etc. all they come up with is, “What’s wrong with that guy?”

They have no place in their theology for impassioned pleas. They’ve already concluded they’re saved. There is nothing more. They said The Prayer, when they die they go to heaven, take it easy, man!

If you have no concern for your soul, you don’t know how to react to someone who is concerned for your soul.

It reminds me of Ezekiel crying out to the people to obey the Lord. No one listens. Instead they listen to the false prophet’s message of “peace, peace. You’re all fine, don’t worry about it.”

Ezekiel begs them, implores them, beseeches them, no doubt using emotion, and no one hears, leaving Ezekiel to cry out to the Lord, “Then said I, Ah Lord God! they say of me, Doth he not speak parables?” (Ezekiel 20:49).

For me, this was the hardest part of being a pastor—having more concern for peoples’ souls than they appeared to. They are already done. They are good to go. “Why are you so worked up, don’t you know we’re already saved?”

You hang around a church long enough you see the end of these people and you see the fruit their lives produce, and it isn’t spiritual fruit. You beg and plead and preach and convince and do whatever you can to help them wake up.

“What’s wrong with that guy? Why’s he so angry?”

Sigh. It’s the burden of the Lord. All day long His hand is stretched out to a disobedient and gainsaying people. Those same people look at God and say, “Why’s He so angry all the time?”

It is frustrating, but it’s also nice to know I’m in good company.

Either that or I’m angry, I guess.

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If you’d like to hear more of my experience pastoring a church in what I thought was a biblical manner, I wrote a book. CLICK HERE to get a copy of it. There are 9 tips for how to not grow your church for only $3.50!

The Peacemakers Might be Destroying Your Church

Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers.” The next verse in the context says, “Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness sake.”

That seems odd. Why a persecution warning after telling people to be peace makers? Seems like persecution is the opposite of peace!

The Beatitudes are descriptions of Christ’s character, and should be the character of those who follow Christ. These are not stand-alone statements; they go together and hinge on each other.

Think about it, “blessed are the peacemakers” was said by Jesus Christ who said, “I did not come to bring peace but a sword.” Seemingly everywhere Jesus went He destroyed the peace. Most pages of the Gospels have Jesus arguing with someone. Then they killed Him.

“Blessed are the peacemakers” gets quoted in isolation. Many think that making peace is the major thing we do. Peace at all costs. Unity is The Goal. The heretic is the one who makes people uncomfortable and brings controversy.

If local church leadership emphasizes peace and unity above all else, bad things will happen.

Christians should not intentionally cause problems; they should create and maintain peace, but there are qualifications on peace. “As much as depends on you, live peaceably with all.” It doesn’t all depend on you.

I don’t walk into rooms thinking about causing problems. My nature avoids conflict. I do not enjoy arguing with or confronting people.

But I’ve also learned that argument and confrontation is occasionally necessary.

There was a time in my pastoral career when I rested on peace, which meant–avoid trouble makers. They took more and more, and hurt more people. I cowered and hoped they’d go away.

Keeping peace with bad, destructive people will ruin the church.

I remember the first time as a young pastor confronting one of the jerks in the church who thought he ran the place and was actively causing division. I was scared the whole time. I shook for two hours afterwards.

It was one of the best things to happen for the church though.

If I had maintained peace with this guy, the doctrine of the church would have been destroyed, or the people in the church would have been divided and a huge fight would have ensued.

Church splits are often the result of church leadership not rooting out problems before they blossom. This often occurs for the spiritual sounding reason of “keeping the peace.”

Avoiding problems, confrontations, and bad people doing bad things in a church, is not keeping peace; it’s dereliction of duty.

The unity the church is called to is the “unity of the Spirit” and the “unity of the faith.” If people aren’t in the faith and don’t have the Spirit, you should not be united with them. Come out from among them and be separate.

Peacemakers will often get persecution. Standing for righteousness, confronting false teachers and deceivers, will get you pushback. Jesus, the apostles, and the prophets know this. Any pastor doing his actual job knows this.

Consider it joy when you receive persecution for pursuing righteousness (which is the only thing that will bring true, lasting peace), for they did the same thing to the prophets.

Being a peacemaker ultimately means doing all you can to help people be at peace with God. This happens through the Gospel (which is an offense, by the way). But once that is dealt with, peace with other people becomes possible.

Peace through any other means is merely human effort and schemes to keep an organization together. Usually it’s just fear of people.

The church needs better.

Shepherds don’t make peace with wolves.

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The Youth Groupitization of the Church: A Theory

Youth groups gained traction after the Baby Boom. Teen and youth culture took off in the 50’s and 60’s. As one born in the 70’s who grew up in the 80’s, I was pretty much at the peak of youth group activity.

As an introverted, shy kid, who was legally blind and picked on all the time, the last thing in the world I wanted to do was spend more time with kids. I hated youth group. Church kids were not much nicer than public school kids to blind kids.

I’m saying this to admit my bias before going any further: I hated youth group. I’m laying the foundation of your ability to dismiss my critique out of hand. You’re welcome.

Peak Youth Group was a lot of emotionalism and “fun.” Speakers tried to get a response out of you, either gearing you up to rededicate your life, or freaking you out with the dangers of rock music and the occult. This was all followed by games and food.

Cool youth groups mostly did fun stuff minus any moralizing or freaking anyone out. There was little biblical education. It was a social gathering, a place for kids that was safer than alternatives. I guess that’s fine, but the spiritual veneer put on it convinced many kids that socializing in church equaled Christian maturity.

Youth groups worked. If by “worked” you mean “kids came.” There were lots of kids. The best youth groups attracted popular kids, who then made the group acceptable for others to attend, even cool. The youth group I grew up in had no cool kids; it did have me though, so it never got big.

Churches saw how many bodies came for the excitement and fun of youth group. Churches adopted youth group atmosphere for church services. And it worked spectacularly, if by “worked” you mean “people came.”

The Seeker Sensitive church philosophy, really taking root in the 90’s, is nothing more than peak 1980’s youth group philosophy spread throughout the church.

People attend cool churches. The cool youth group pastors were outgoing, energetic, usually had cool hair, and swallowed goldfish for some reason. These guys eventually graduated to Big People Church and brought that same outgoing, energetic, cool haired approach to the entire church.

Although many people bemoan how many young people leave “the faith” when they escape mom and dad’s house, few seriously lay the blame on the youth group philosophy that created the mess.

Instead of examining the failure of youth group culture, we’ve turned the entire church into youth group culture. We know how that works: it’s big and fun for a time, then people leave “the faith” in droves. This will continue, especially as the world becomes more hostile to The Faith. The entertaining fun and energy which served so well to pack seats, has not prepared anyone for persecution. More churches will decline in numbers as the cost to attend rises.

Yes, I am pessimistic about the church and the future. But I’m also highly optimistic. First, because one day all this will be over and I’ll be with Jesus Christ. But secondly, persecution will eliminate pretenders and will restore the church to the New Testament ideal. There is no other answer I can see that will truly revive the church.

We reap what we sow. Although everyone whines about what we’re reaping, we seem content to sow the same seed.

I believe persecution is the only thing that will wake us up. We’re too comfortable, fat, and happy to be bothered. Making real changes in our approach will tick people off, donors will leave, and mortgages and staff won’t be paid. Too risky.

The system is a wreck. I’m anxious for the system to burn down. The sooner the better. Souls raised in entertaining happy church slip into hell every day.

It’s high time to awake out of sleep. Judgment begins with the house of God. Bring it on.

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If you’d like to hear more of my experience in not doing church well, I wrote a book. CLICK HERE to get a copy of it. There are 9 tips for how to not grow your church for only $3.50!

Does Your Church Promote Actual Christianity Or The Game of Christianity?

A percentage of people in your church are just playing The Game. Their intent is to play at Christianity without it interfering with their lives.

Most evangelical churches promote The Game. They’ve given up calling anyone to new life in Christ and are content to entertain the masses. Everyone is smiley, dressed well, money flows, programs happen, everyone is just thrilled with everything, and are happy their materialistic comfort now has God’s sanction.

Other churches have gone so far down the progressive trail that there is literally zero distinction between what they are doing and what the world is doing. They are so obvious about their worldliness that most of these churches are declining in attendance. People prefer feeling like they are actually playing The Game than knowing with absolute certainty that they are not.

The churches I’m most concerned with are the ones who don’t think I’m talking about them.

The church services are not overly entertaining, some might even call them lame. The music is slightly off key. It’s not fashionable. Anyone speaking in front of the church acts like they’ve never used a microphone before. The Bible is used. People say the pastor is “faithfully teaching God’s word” even. The pastor is so busy; he tells you he is all the time. Everyone is so busy; surely something real is happening!

Yet there’s no call to holiness. No call to Christ-likeness. Although the Bible is used, if you listen closely you will detect that the pastor isn’t actually saying what the verses that were just read are saying.

There’s a subtle switch going on. Jesus is mentioned, even made much of. But there’s just nothing there. No power. No transformation. No new life. No old man is crucified. There is a zeal for God but not according to knowledge.

It’s a fake Christianity. It’s not real. It’s The Game.

Furthermore, if you raise concerns over these issues you will get incredible pushback. These churches don’t want anyone growing in Christ because that means it’s possible. They pull you down. They will, if you actually do insist upon spiritual growth being a legit thing, accuse you of being legalistic and eventually divisive. You will be the heretic for actually wanting people to do what those verses said.

I had a couple in church who came for a while. They were rich. Enjoyed being rich. I did a series on money and the Sermon on the Mount and such passages. The wife stopped coming. Soon the husband did.

His explanation to me why they stopped coming is because “Your church doesn’t feel like church.” They wanted to play The Game; they didn’t actually want to take Christianity seriously. They didn’t want it to be possible.

If you preach and act like Christianity is possible and the Gospel has power to transform lives, your church will shrink. The Game players will leave.

This isn’t a bad thing, unless you want to be impressive and get paid and such things. You’ll have to decide. I had to. I took pay cut after pay cut. People kept leaving.

But The Gospel was doing a work in me and I couldn’t help it. It was totally worth it.

Call out The Game players by taking your faith seriously and preaching like Christianity is real, powerful, and possible to actually live. You’ll eventually be left with a fellowship of about seven souls who will glory in the Lord Jesus Christ.

Or you’ll just be lonely and heart broken. That’s where I got. But Christ was real and I was never truly alone and my heart is healing.

Christianity is possible. Live and preach like that’s true. Those who want The Game will think you’re loony. It’s ok. We are fools for Christ’s sake. Worse things could happen, and they will if you’re just playing The Game.

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If you’d like to hear more about how I shrunk my church, I wrote a book. CLICK HERE to get a copy of it. There are 9 tips for how to not grow your church for only $3.50!

What This Small Church Pastor Envied

Small church pastors are often envious. I was.

But I wasn’t envious of the things small church pastors are accused of being envious of.

Once I was touring another church for possible use for a wedding. They showed me around their new addition with all the new, pretty rooms. At the end of it the tour guide said, “I probably shouldn’t have shown you all that, now you’ll be envious of our building.”

“Nope,” I said. “Not really.”

I never wanted a huge building. Huge buildings cost more money, which require more people, which requires doing things I didn’t want to do to attract people to give us money we didn’t have. I wanted no part of joining that rat race.

Others think I wanted all the fancy programs and the funds to have nice equipment and impress the world. Nope, didn’t really want that either. Programs can be good, but often they take on a life of their own and eventually completely miss the purpose they were begun for.

“I bet you’d like to have all these people in your church.” Is another assumption people make. Not really. My heart was so broken by a small group of people, I can’t even imagine the state of my heart if a bunch of people came.

Which leads me to the one thing I was envious of: spiritually minded people who were growing in Christ.

I’d visit other churches and see some decent, upstanding, biblically minded, spiritually mature, servant of a Christian and think, “Oh man, I wish I had someone like that in my church. I’d give my left arm to have three people like that.”

Or the pastor who had a board that actually liked the church and showed up to it and served it and prayed for it and supported the pastor so the pastor was never out there floating on his own making decisions that everyone will be mad at but no one else will man up and take a stand.

That is what I was envious of.

Actual Christians with the Holy Spirit who devoted their lives to the love and service of the Body of Christ.

I had a couple for a time over the years, but was greatly disheartened by the general lack of enthusiasm for pursuing such things in the majority of attenders.

True, there would be no limit of such people that would satisfy me, I would always want more, because in actuality, that’s sort of the person the church is supposed to be creating.

The Body that edifies itself in love because the members are growing and doing the work of the ministry, is the goal and purpose (Ephesians 4).

If you have a couple of those kinds of people they serve as an example to inspire others to follow their lead. But if there aren’t any, the general testimony of the church is apathy, and people will have no problem following that. Soon the church is filled with apathetic, distracted, shallow people who desire nothing more because they are all busy pursuing earthly things.

I didn’t want a bigger building, larger crowds, more money, or more programs. I didn’t envy those things in any serious way.

I did envy spiritually growing Christians. They are few and far between and when I meet one I think, “Man, I wish you had been in my church.” Where two or three of this kind of person are gathered together things can happen.

I just wanted two or three.

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