I put a battery in my old MP3 player that I used to record my sermons and found an audio file I don’t remember making!
It was a rehearsal sermon of my resignation from my church. I did it in the quiet of my office with the intent of posting it for the church to hear.
The situation was a little weird as to why I recorded it. My mother was struggling with cancer and the week of my resignation she took a turn for the worse. I thought I might miss the Sunday my resignation was planned for to have to go see her.
I managed to stay in town until then, so I never used this audio file at all, which is why it escaped my memory.
Anyway, for pastors out there who are thinking of resigning or are curious about pastoral resignations, here’s how mine went! I basically said this to the church in person, just a lot more crying and blubbering was involved. I did not record the actual resignation sermon knowing I’d just be sniffing through the whole thing.
It’s over two years later now. I am glad I did not toast the church or go out burning bridges, which I could have done. My flesh would have enjoyed that. But I am grateful that did not occur. You can, or at least I can, hear when I got close!
So, I put this here in the off chance someone is interested. Click here to give it a listen.
Failing Pastor 
After 10 years in ordained ministry (plus so much time in student field work), listening to this put to words many of the things I’ve been feeling as I consider a change out of ministry (or at least full-time, multi-parish ministry). Meeting with very, very trusted colleagues and friends today, I found myself echoing what you said: “My heart is broken, and the church broke it.”
Thanks for making this and many other things available. In some ways, it feels nice not to be alone in these feelings. In other ways, it sucks that this institution can be so utterly cruel.
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Thank you, and sorry for your pain. It’s part of the job I guess. Whatever you decide to do, fight the fight.
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