The Top Three Weirdest Reasons People Left Our Church

People leaving churches is understandable. Sometimes it’s good for them and sometimes it’s even good for the church. I’ve never thought everyone should be happy at one church, options are good.

I get it when people leave a church I’m pastoring. I’m often fine with it even.

Except when they leave over something that didn’t even happen.

Now, I will grant the point that people who leave over things that didn’t even happen are generally not very helpful members of the church to begin with. They are people who are looking for an excuse to leave, so they make something up so they feel better about leaving.

I get why certain kinds of people do this. It’s still highly irritating though.

There are three examples I remember that top the list for people leaving over things that never happened.

The first was a couple who left because in a sermon I told them they couldn’t raise their hands during singing.

Get this, not only did I never say this, they never once raised their hands while singing before or after I allegedly said this! I was a young pastor at the time and this was the first time this imaginary offense thing happened to me. Blew me away.

The second was a mother who left because I told her that her kids couldn’t take Communion. Again, I never said this. I remember the conversation. I’ve had multiple parents ask me if they should let their kids take Communion. My answer is always the same:

“I don’t know. You’re their parents. Do you think they understand the Gospel and what’s going on with the bread and the cup? If you think they understand it, then let them do it. If you don’t think they understand it, then don’t let them.”

This sounds reasonable to me. Apparently she heard this as me saying “No! Do not let your kids take Communion in my church, sweetheart!”

The third one was a lady who left because we didn’t like single mothers, so we alienated her and didn’t support her. This one Is just, I don’t know. Here’s my main sticking point: She was married the entire time she was at our church! I remember this because her husband was huge and fit and played outfield on our church softball team and was awesome!

But apparently totally reveling in having her husband on our church softball team was too much for her single-motherness to handle, so she left.

I don’t know. I get it and at the same time do not get it at all.

I hope the next time a person who wants to leave my church and is just waiting for a reason to leave, just asks me. I can give you about 21 reasons to leave our church. There’s no need to make stuff up.

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If you want to know more of my fascinating thoughts about church, I wrote a book. CLICK HERE to get a copy of it. It includes 9 tested and true tips for how to not grow your church for only $3.50!

The Peacemakers Might be Destroying Your Church

Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers.” The next verse in the context says, “Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness sake.”

That seems odd. Why a persecution warning after telling people to be peace makers? Seems like persecution is the opposite of peace!

The Beatitudes are descriptions of Christ’s character, and should be the character of those who follow Christ. These are not stand-alone statements; they go together and hinge on each other.

Think about it, “blessed are the peacemakers” was said by Jesus Christ who said, “I did not come to bring peace but a sword.” Seemingly everywhere Jesus went He destroyed the peace. Most pages of the Gospels have Jesus arguing with someone. Then they killed Him.

“Blessed are the peacemakers” gets quoted in isolation. Many think that making peace is the major thing we do. Peace at all costs. Unity is The Goal. The heretic is the one who makes people uncomfortable and brings controversy.

If local church leadership emphasizes peace and unity above all else, bad things will happen.

Christians should not intentionally cause problems; they should create and maintain peace, but there are qualifications on peace. “As much as depends on you, live peaceably with all.” It doesn’t all depend on you.

I don’t walk into rooms thinking about causing problems. My nature avoids conflict. I do not enjoy arguing with or confronting people.

But I’ve also learned that argument and confrontation is occasionally necessary.

There was a time in my pastoral career when I rested on peace, which meant–avoid trouble makers. They took more and more, and hurt more people. I cowered and hoped they’d go away.

Keeping peace with bad, destructive people will ruin the church.

I remember the first time as a young pastor confronting one of the jerks in the church who thought he ran the place and was actively causing division. I was scared the whole time. I shook for two hours afterwards.

It was one of the best things to happen for the church though.

If I had maintained peace with this guy, the doctrine of the church would have been destroyed, or the people in the church would have been divided and a huge fight would have ensued.

Church splits are often the result of church leadership not rooting out problems before they blossom. This often occurs for the spiritual sounding reason of “keeping the peace.”

Avoiding problems, confrontations, and bad people doing bad things in a church, is not keeping peace; it’s dereliction of duty.

The unity the church is called to is the “unity of the Spirit” and the “unity of the faith.” If people aren’t in the faith and don’t have the Spirit, you should not be united with them. Come out from among them and be separate.

Peacemakers will often get persecution. Standing for righteousness, confronting false teachers and deceivers, will get you pushback. Jesus, the apostles, and the prophets know this. Any pastor doing his actual job knows this.

Consider it joy when you receive persecution for pursuing righteousness (which is the only thing that will bring true, lasting peace), for they did the same thing to the prophets.

Being a peacemaker ultimately means doing all you can to help people be at peace with God. This happens through the Gospel (which is an offense, by the way). But once that is dealt with, peace with other people becomes possible.

Peace through any other means is merely human effort and schemes to keep an organization together. Usually it’s just fear of people.

The church needs better.

Shepherds don’t make peace with wolves.

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If you’d like to hear more of my experience pastoring a church in what I thought was a biblical manner, I wrote a book. CLICK HERE to get a copy of it. There are 9 tips for how to not grow your church for only $3.50!

Does Your Church Promote Actual Christianity Or The Game of Christianity?

A percentage of people in your church are just playing The Game. Their intent is to play at Christianity without it interfering with their lives.

Most evangelical churches promote The Game. They’ve given up calling anyone to new life in Christ and are content to entertain the masses. Everyone is smiley, dressed well, money flows, programs happen, everyone is just thrilled with everything, and are happy their materialistic comfort now has God’s sanction.

Other churches have gone so far down the progressive trail that there is literally zero distinction between what they are doing and what the world is doing. They are so obvious about their worldliness that most of these churches are declining in attendance. People prefer feeling like they are actually playing The Game than knowing with absolute certainty that they are not.

The churches I’m most concerned with are the ones who don’t think I’m talking about them.

The church services are not overly entertaining, some might even call them lame. The music is slightly off key. It’s not fashionable. Anyone speaking in front of the church acts like they’ve never used a microphone before. The Bible is used. People say the pastor is “faithfully teaching God’s word” even. The pastor is so busy; he tells you he is all the time. Everyone is so busy; surely something real is happening!

Yet there’s no call to holiness. No call to Christ-likeness. Although the Bible is used, if you listen closely you will detect that the pastor isn’t actually saying what the verses that were just read are saying.

There’s a subtle switch going on. Jesus is mentioned, even made much of. But there’s just nothing there. No power. No transformation. No new life. No old man is crucified. There is a zeal for God but not according to knowledge.

It’s a fake Christianity. It’s not real. It’s The Game.

Furthermore, if you raise concerns over these issues you will get incredible pushback. These churches don’t want anyone growing in Christ because that means it’s possible. They pull you down. They will, if you actually do insist upon spiritual growth being a legit thing, accuse you of being legalistic and eventually divisive. You will be the heretic for actually wanting people to do what those verses said.

I had a couple in church who came for a while. They were rich. Enjoyed being rich. I did a series on money and the Sermon on the Mount and such passages. The wife stopped coming. Soon the husband did.

His explanation to me why they stopped coming is because “Your church doesn’t feel like church.” They wanted to play The Game; they didn’t actually want to take Christianity seriously. They didn’t want it to be possible.

If you preach and act like Christianity is possible and the Gospel has power to transform lives, your church will shrink. The Game players will leave.

This isn’t a bad thing, unless you want to be impressive and get paid and such things. You’ll have to decide. I had to. I took pay cut after pay cut. People kept leaving.

But The Gospel was doing a work in me and I couldn’t help it. It was totally worth it.

Call out The Game players by taking your faith seriously and preaching like Christianity is real, powerful, and possible to actually live. You’ll eventually be left with a fellowship of about seven souls who will glory in the Lord Jesus Christ.

Or you’ll just be lonely and heart broken. That’s where I got. But Christ was real and I was never truly alone and my heart is healing.

Christianity is possible. Live and preach like that’s true. Those who want The Game will think you’re loony. It’s ok. We are fools for Christ’s sake. Worse things could happen, and they will if you’re just playing The Game.

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If you’d like to hear more about how I shrunk my church, I wrote a book. CLICK HERE to get a copy of it. There are 9 tips for how to not grow your church for only $3.50!

The Church and The World Like Different Stuff

I listened to a “secular” podcast where four guys, three of whom claimed to be religious (one was Jewish, one Muslim, and one Christian), said in this messed up world, our churches should be full.

I’ve heard this before. Jordan Peterson says something similar. The idea being that church should be upholding a different vision, one that is hopeful and helpful. In this dark world, the church should be shining bright.

I agree with the criticism that the church is not shining brightly in our day. We’ve watered down the Gospel and bought into many of the world’s lies. Our drift into immorality is all but a determined swim at this point.

At the same time, I think the churches should be full statement is based on a self-help understanding of Christianity. The idea is that churches and Christianity should help people achieve their dreams. People will come if they think it’s practical in helping them get what they want.

The real truth is that the more faithful to the Gospel the church becomes and the brighter its light, the more people will hate it. Men love the darkness and hate the light.

I think our churches are too full. Or rather, I think most of the fullest churches today have given in to the self-help version of Christianity.

They’ve invented a gospel that appeals to people’s flesh.

People tend to forget that when God Himself lived on this earth, humanity killed Him.

Yes, I think the church should be doing better, I think it should be proclaiming the Gospel faithfully and plainly. But I do not believe for a second that this will result in filled churches.

Nothing in church history or the Bible leads me to think this. Yes, there were momentary crowds, but none of them were sustained over any length of time, and none of them were ever treated as the goal. Being popular in this world is rarely a good thing.

The world thinks religion is a crutch, it’s a thing you use to get where you’re going. I don’t like where the world is going and would prefer my church to not be a place that helps it get there!

The church proclaims the Gospel and the preaching of the word. Attendance is irrelevant. The judgments of the world upon the church are irrelevant since most don’t understand what the point of the church or the Gospel is—conformity to Christ, that one guy the world killed.

Preach the word, in season and out. That’s it. Do that. If you do that, don’t expect a full church.

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If you’d like to hear more of my accumulated pastoral “wisdom,” I wrote a book. CLICK HERE to get a copy of it. There are 9 tips for how to not grow your church for only $3.50!

How Churches Become Ineffective

Most churches have boiled down their activity and message to an inoffensive middle.

Offensiveness is not always bad. The Gospel, according to the Bible, is offensive. If your church is not offending people who don’t like the Gospel, the Bible, Jesus Christ, and any number of godly things, then your church is ineffective.

The reason most churches are not offensive is because they can’t afford it.

They have mortgages to pay. There are heating and electric bills and general upkeep for giant buildings. Exorbitant salaries for increasingly expanding paid positions must be paid.

As these things increase for a church, adherence to the offensiveness of the Gospel and truth goes out the window.

Some people want more of a thing while other people want less of that same thing. The church, desiring not to lose any cash givers, finds a comfy middle ground where both parties are happy.

Church traditions are merely hundreds of years of doing this.

This is what we’ve always done and this is what we will continue to do because back in 1893 the Jones and Miller families hashed this out until we found this workable solution. Don’t mess with it. This is what people expect. If we don’t give them what they want; they won’t give us what we need: money.

Your church does not perfectly follow the Word of God. If it did, it would be smaller.

Your church knows this, so it has come up with a handy way to make people feel like they are listening to God while scratching ears to get money.

Cynical? Yes. It’s also very true in most cases.

As a pastor, you know what verses your church has no interest in taking seriously. You know you can’t preach on them without losing people. Do you preach on them anyway and take your lumps, or do you compromise? Maybe skip some uncomfortable parts of the Bible?

Why are you doing that?

After years of playing games with people in my church, I began to simply preach what I saw in the Bible. People left. I made a clear statement to the board that I will take pay cuts. Keep doing everything the church needs with money, I will suffer the consequences of my teaching.

I taught what I believed. People left. My salary shrunk. There were many times I could have skipped verses or not preached certain sermons. I wasn’t trying to be a jerk or purposely poke people in the eye (most of the time!), but I was trying to be faithful to the Word.

My church shrunk to the point of non-existence. I’m no longer a pastor. The church is no longer in existence. I find both things to be ok under the circumstances. I tried to correct what the church taught and did with biblical teaching.

People left. People aren’t interested in biblical teaching; they are interested in an inoffensive institution they can use to assuage their guilt.

Cynical? Yes. Unfortunately, also very true.

Try it sometime. Do you have the guts to preach the verses you know your church ignores? It’ll cost you. Is it worth it? Well, you won’t have as much stuff and you’ll have fewer people, but you’ll also have a clean conscience before the Lord.

The church is here to proclaim the Light of Jesus Christ. Men love darkness and hate light. Don’t be surprised when the world hates you, and also don’t be surprised about how much world is currently in your church.

Don’t be an inoffensive, ineffective, worthless church. Proclaim the Word of God, forsake your dependence on worldly things, and speak the truth in love.

Pastors: Are You Valiant for the Truth?

People complain that pastors do not preach the word or stand up for the truth enough. I guess I can’t argue.

At the same time, it’s slightly ridiculous for people to complain that pastors don’t stand for the truth when the people don’t either. The pot calling the kettle black, don’t ya know? I did my best to preach the truth of God’s word. Many people left. This didn’t stop me, but it also made life difficult.

Not going to sugar coat it: if you as a pastor preach the actual words of Scripture in context, you will suffer for it. That’s why pastors don’t do it. Pastors especially don’t do it if the building fund needs funding, or the massive mortgage needs paying, or the Jones’ church is bigger.

The more you want or need earthly things, the odds that you will preach the truth decline.

Preaching the truth is hard because the truth hurts. People like the darkness and hate the light. Truth shines around in peoples’ hearts and makes em cry. It’s fun on some level! But watching people flee over and over again breaks your heart.

I saw a cool phrase in Jeremiah 9:3. The prophet is bemoaning the demise of Israel. Jeremiah says he’s so tired of Israel, he wishes he could run away from the people of Israel to a band of guys in the wilderness! I hear ya there, Jerry!

And here’s verse 3:

And they bend their tongues like their bow for lies: but they are not valiant for the truth upon the earth; for they proceed from evil to evil, and they know not me, saith the Lord.

They like to speak lies and they are not “valiant for the truth.” Ooo, I like that phrase! The Hebrew word for “valiant” means to show yourself mighty, to be powerful, to be great and prevail. That’s the kind of truthiness you need to be an approved pastor.

Are you valiant for the truth?

This would imply at least two things:

1) You know the truth. You’ve read the Bible so many times you know what it’s talking about. You don’t copy sermons off the internet. You don’t rely on commentaries to inform you what to preach. You actually know the Bible, you know the truth of God’s Word. Beyond that, you’ve taken this knowledge into practical experience. You’ve tried out the truth. You’ve worked with it, planted it, and have experiences with it. You’ve seen the validity of the truth right before your eyes. Are you strong in your understanding of and experience with God’s truth?

2) You have set your face like flint and have removed all obstacles and temptations that would make you veer from the truth. You are not reliant on money or ego-feeding compliments or followers. You are also not an arrogant jerk with a desire to smash everyone into the ground with your intellect, we’re not talking macho strength. No, you simply stand unwaveringly on the truth. You’re rooted, grounded, and built up in it. You’ve read it and lived it to know it’s true and there’s nothing on this old earth of ours that will knock you off that firm footing. You don’t cave or back down when lies are thrown your way. You don’t back off the truth even if it means you will lose people, money, followers, reputation, rights, or who knows what else. You’re completely sold out for the truth and it’s all you’ve got and all you need. Here you stand; you can do no other.

This, I believe is what it means to be valiant for the truth. Israel had fallen away from the truth. Verse 5 explains why people like lies:

And they will deceive every one his neighbor, and will not speak the truth: they have taught their tongue to speak lies, and weary themselves to commit iniquity.

People like lies and hate the truth because they want to sin. They want sin and they don’t want guilt. The only way to sin without guilt is to deny the truth. Eliminate the verses and the commands that ruin the fun. And especially get rid of the messenger that brought that truth.

You will be attacked if you preach the truth. They will examine everything you do until they find some trumped up charge to bring against you. Expect it. Make sure there’s nothing for them to find! If you’ve been valiant for the truth, there won’t be. But don’t be shocked when they simply make stuff up! Let em. Be valiant for the truth.

Toward the end of the chapter we have these beautiful verses, ones you should memorize and remind yourself of regularly:

Thus says the Lord, Let not the wise man glory in his wisdom, neither let the mighty man glory in his might, let not the rich man glory in his riches: But let him that glories glory in this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the Lord which exercise lovingkindness, judgment, and righteousness, in the earth: for in these things I delight, says the Lord.

Do you know the Lord? Do you know who He is and what He loves? Do you love Him and the things He loves? Are you valiant for the truth? Remember, Paul tells us that love rejoices in the truth.

Pursuing truth does not make you arrogant, you don’t run around boasting in all you know and all your fantastic wisdom. Instead you rejoice that you know the Author of Truth. You know He who is “the way, the truth, and the life.”

Pastors, be valiant for the truth. This is your one calling. Be valiant for the truth. Don’t let anything keep you from this. Fight the fight.

Why don’t churches contact people when they leave?

I’ve heard many people say, “When I left my church no one called me,” or “I wish someone cared enough to ask why I left.”

Here’s my attempt to explain why churches don’t ask why someone left. There are two possible people at fault here: 1) the church and 2) the person who left, with a possibility that both are at fault.

If someone leaves a church and no one calls it could be entirely the church’s fault. Here are some possibilities:

1) Some churches are bad. Maybe it was a bad church where the members didn’t love each other or care. It happens. It could be a dysfunctional place. The pastor might be a total inept loser. If this is the case, sounds like you made the right move, so don’t worry about it.

2) Some churches are big and busy. They have no idea who is there from week to week. If you’re not in a position to be noticed by “those who call people,” they won’t call. This is a big problem for large churches. Many leave them because they don’t feel like they belong. When they leave they don’t get called confirming that they didn’t belong. Don’t worry about it. You were right. Find a smaller church.

3) Some churches are cliquish. If you don’t belong to a clique you don’t get paid attention to. When you leave no one really cares because you weren’t in their clique. They assume you were in some other clique and that clique cares enough to call.

4) Some churches are afraid. There were several people over the years that I was literally afraid of. Like, feared for my and my family’s personal safety. I’m not walking back into that situation. Should I have anyway? It’s entirely possible. I will stand before the Lord with it. On a lesser level than physical harm even, people are scary sometimes.

5) Churches assume someone else is doing that. This happens with big churches, busy churches, distracted churches, and other possible reasons. Many churches are so busy welcoming in new people and favoring the desired members that they aren’t really paying attention to who is there. Maybe you were bad for their image, not their desired demographic.

6) Churches aren’t dumb. I did not contact every single person who left my church. I know why they left and who they left with. I did not desire to hear more of their goofiness. Am I wrong for this? It’s entirely possible. I will stand before the Lord with it.

Sometimes the fault is with the person who leaves.

1) No one knows you left because you were a non-participating member of the body. I have been shocked many times by people who claimed they were a part of my church. My wife saw a lady who hadn’t been to church in more than 10 years who introduced my wife as “her pastor’s wife.” Determining who comes and who doesn’t isn’t always easy.

2) Some members who leave were total cancers in the body. There were a number of people who left the church, which caused the church to breathe a sigh of relief. No one cared why they left; they were just happy they did.

3) There were hurt feelings and it was too difficult to contact. People forget that pastors are people too. We get hurt. Calling someone who has truly hurt me was sometimes impossible. People do really creepy things to pastors. A good pastor won’t rat on them. You’ll never know what happened. There were people I honestly was unable to speak to again. Am I at fault for this? It’s entirely possible.

4) You actually were contacted but your selective, self-justifying memory tells a better story. I’ve been told that so-and-so is mad because no one from church called when they left and I distinctly remember calling them. Sometimes I contacted them several times in several ways. As time goes by, more and more people remember that no one called them, when in reality people did. Or maybe it wasn’t THE PERSON you wanted to have call you. The Lord knows whether you were contacted or not. He will judge the situation accordingly.

5) Before you left, how many people who left that church did you call? Exactly. At your next church, feel free to call people who leave, and then maybe you’ll learn why people don’t like calling people who leave!

6) Maybe you’re weird. There was a couple who left my church, but before they left they had an anonymous person call me during supper to threaten me that they would leave if I didn’t do what they said. I did not do what they said. They left. I did not call them. We’re not in kindergarten here; we’re fighting a fight against the Kingdom of Darkness. I don’t have time for this. I’m not playing games. Just go. Some people spent their time in church finding fault with everything. When they left, I really didn’t want to hear any more of their whining.

7) You were a moocher. Many people enter churches asking for stuff. Churches and pastors have been around. They know who is merely trying to take advantage of them. People get the impression you’re not there for the church or for others, but to see what you can get out of this church before they catch on to you, and you move on to exploit the next one. Yes, Jesus told us to give to everyone who asks of us. It does get old though. Does that make it right? I don’t know, probably not, but goodness.

In the end, I have no idea why no one contacted you when you left your church. It might be the church’s fault and it might be yours. Maybe just take it as proof that you were right to leave that church. Maybe consider that you don’t remember correctly. Maybe consider you’re a cancer and that church is breathing easier because you are gone.

Self-reflection is always good. Are you at any extent responsible for the fact that no one called you? Maybe you’re not. Maybe you were wronged, it’s possible. But humility is good on both parts.

I didn’t do everything right as a pastor. I made mistakes. I’ve never had anyone leave the church and tell people maybe they were at fault. Never. The church is always at fault. Always. Every time. I gotta be honest: I don’t buy it.

So what do we do? We forget those things that are behind, learn from them, and do our best not to repeat our mistakes.

Find a better church or make the church you’re in now better. Be part of the body and be humble and peaceful. Do your part to edify and be edified. Don’t let a bad experience at another church color your opinion of every other church on the planet.

Let’s do better on both parts.

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The Failing Pastor has a new book, How To Not Grow Your Church available on Amazon as an e-book, paperback, or hardcover. CLICK HERE to get your copy because you know you want more!

Failing Pastoral Counseling

Counseling people was never my strong point. I wanted to help, but pretty much all I figured out was how to listen and tell people what their problem was. I was pretty skilled there.

How to help them overcome their problem was beyond me.

I usually started with something like, “So, there’s this thing called the Gospel. You don’t seem to understand what it means.” Then I’d try to explain it. But it was quickly shot down because every person in a church thinks they believed the Gospel when they were six and have “heard that all before.”

Things would stall there. This is either because they had no interest in hearing the Gospel again or because I had no clue how to get them to implement the Gospel into their lives when I didn’t think they even understood what it meant.

I got nowhere. I’m not blaming the counselees either. I sincerely couldn’t figure out how to get them to grasp Gospel solutions to their flesh problems.

You’ll know you do pastoral counseling like me when 90% of your counseling opportunities go like this:

Step one: listen to them. Figure out what they are trying to fix, not the symptom but the underlying issue, which is typically, “you need to really grasp the Gospel.” Explain to them the Gospel and make sure they believe and understand it. And not just mentally agree with the facts of the Jesus story, but that they’ve been crucified and raised up to new life where they should be—pursuing righteousness, showing love and forgiveness, sacrificing for others. Give them scripture after scripture dealing with their problem and the Gospel’s solution for it.

Sept two: wait for them to tell you they already did all that. They will sigh and leave depressed, or they will buck up and feel great because they already have the Gospel nailed, so now all their problems will disappear! Either way, they will leave soon after.

Step three: get ready to hear nothing from them for a long time: except for the happy ones, they will email you the next day, “Thanks pastor, I feel so much better today!” Then you’ll hear nothing. Your calls, emails, and texts will be ignored for a time. Eventually they will tell you that they’ve been “busy. But we should really try to get together again.”

Step four: agree to get together again and mention a few specific times that will work for you.

Step five: get ready to hear nothing from them for a long time. You may never see them again, in fact.

Step six: pray and cry before the Lord for their soul.

Step seven: shoot an email, text, or phone call their way every once in a while. After several times doing this with no response, proceed to step eight.

Step eight: resign yourself that another one is lost, you failed again. Consider once again working at the grocery store or being a janitor or working construction or selling cars.

Sound familiar? Then you may be a failing pastoral counselor too! Welcome to the club.

Sorry, I have no advice for you. I could never figure out how to help people.

The only exceptions were people who really, truly seemed to grasp the Gospel and were growing. I could help them, but usually because people who were doing that didn’t have any irreversible problems staring them in the face.

Funny how that works.

I’m a terrible counselor. I admit it. I have no idea how to help you. None. I’m going to quote the Bible a lot and mention the Gospel and the Holy Spirit a bunch. That’s all I got. Sorry.

To all you who know how to do it, great. Go for it. Please. You have plenty of potential customers. I got nothing.

Pastors Ruin People’s Faith, Or so the Story Goes

Let me begin by saying there are and have been many bad pastors who ruin people’s faith. Many a wolf has chomped on God’s sheep. “Test the spirits” is not a throwaway line. Do that. Constantly.

With that being said, I know many pastors and most are sincerely trying to help. Most pastors have sacrificed to do ministry. It’s not an easy job.

No pastor is 100% correct in theology or application. Pastors have a sin nature too. This is why the Bible repeatedly says not to put your trust in people but in God. Do that. Constantly.

I have heard many a backslidden Christian blame a pastor for their backsliding.

(Again, there are bad pastors and they certainly hurt people’s faith, no doubt about that.)

I know some of the pastors who got blamed though and, no, they were not terrible people set on destroying people’s faith.

I’ve been told that my teaching has kept people immature and has hurt them spiritually. People who leave church take time to tell me how much happier they are now that they’re out of my church.

They’ve never been happier. It was my teaching and my church that kept them from all this happiness and peace they now have.

I know who these people are and I understand the desire to let me know how awful I was. But I also know these people were shaky at best in their faith.

Most of these people, when they began attending my church, told me about their last pastor who kept them from all the happiness and peace they now have in my church.

And that’s the problem: Many church goers think going to a new church will solve their problem. Learning a new system, getting initiated is exciting. Makes you feel rebellious. Throwing off the shackles of Last Church for New Church makes you feel like you’re spiritually growing.

But guess what happens when New Church gets boring or the anticipated nirvana of New Church never materializes (which it won’t)? They leave for the next New Church.

Guess what they say to New Pastor at New Church? “Oh man, that last pastor, never helped me. I’m so glad I’m here now where I have so much happiness and peace like never before.”

The cycle continues.

I used to take it personally when people would leave my church and I’d bump into them at Walmart, or they’d email me and let me know how happy and at peace they are to be out from under my faith-destroying ministry. It hurt.

OK, I still take it personally. It still hurts.

I never set out to destroy anyone’s faith or annihilate their happiness and peace. Most of these people were annoying. I sacrificed just to spend time with them and put up with their insults. They typically fell into weird sins and hurt other people in the church. Yet, in the end, their conclusion is that it was the pastor’s fault their lives aren’t better.

Nope, not buying it.

These people will whirlwind through your church. They will excite you at first because it really looks like you’re helping them and they say they are so happy and at peace finally! You’ll feel like you’re a way better pastor than all those other loser pastors, which you kind of knew anyway!

But it won’t last. Soon you’ll be the loser who is keeping them down. Out the door they will go and the inevitable email letting you know how happy and at peace they are will soon pop up in your inbox.

Pray for them. Pray for the next pastor who will get jerked around by them.

People are weird. Pastors are in the job of dealing with weird people. Get used to it. It still hurts. Check yourself, maybe you didn’t handle them the best, it’s possible.

Work it through before the Lord. His opinion of your ministry and their faith is the only one that matters.

As a Pastor, How do You Not let Anyone Despise You?

Paul says to Timothy in 1 Timothy 4:12 to not let anyone despise your youth. He says more generally in Titus 2:15 to let no man despise you.

I’ve often wondered how this was done.

In my time as a pastor I was despised by 75% of the people who came in and out of my church. I had visitors on their first day at church despise me. I had people who attended my church for years despise me.

I had board members despise me. I got little else other than despisement!

I always hoped that the way to stop people from despising me was to punch them in the face. But as much as I searched, I could not find biblical justification for this conclusion.

I think Paul’s intent is twofold:

1) don’t live in such a way as to cause people to despise you. He follows up the phrase in 1 Timothy with being an example.
2) don’t let their despising of you stop you from preaching the word, which seems his intent in the Titus passage.

As to the first, I felt I did ok with my example. I’m not perfect and I definitely grew in my time as pastor because I started immature. But if anyone hung around me over those years they saw my growth. The people despising me routinely had worse lives than mine. I don’t think I was a terrible example, wasn’t perfect, but wasn’t terrible.

With one exception: I did use self-deprecating humor. I think this led people to feel safe in railing on me. Perhaps my humor didn’t help the situation.

Oh, and another exception: my church was not fancy or formal. There was nothing close to being humanly respectable about what we were doing. I did not carry myself with authority, demand titles, wear special robes, or anything like that. I think our humble church helped people bash.

So, OK, those two things didn’t help, but I don’t know that either one was a bad example; it just led to people despising me.

As to the second, no amount of despising me ever stopped my desire and practice of preaching the Word. I felt I did pretty well there. I even purposely hit on controversial issues, knowing full well who would despise me for doing so.

The more despising I got, the more free I felt to let it rip! If I was going to get rejected anyway, might as well preach the Word.

The despising of me just became regular background noise and was never a major influence in determining what I would preach about or say to people.

Pastors should pursue godliness. We are not to give a reason for unbelievers to blaspheme. We should not act in a way that disparages the ministry. The testimony of the pastor should be blameless, as Paul says.

Again, we all slip up, we are still human, but we should actively be dealing with sin in humility and repentance.

The main job is to proclaim the Word of God. Don’t let anything stop you from that.

If you do these two things–maintain a growth in righteousness and preach the Word—you will still be despised. Marvel not if the world hates you. Anyone who desires to live godly will suffer persecution.

In fact, the people who will despise you the most will be the ones whom you make feel guilty because you are pursuing righteousness and preaching the Word.

You can tell who is guilt-ridden simply by listening to what they say about you and the church. Sinners despise, it’s what they do.

Some pastors deserve being despised because they aren’t pursuing godliness and they aren’t preaching the Word. I despise them too!

Don’t be a pastor who brings it on due to a terrible testimony, and when you get despised anyway, don’t let it stop you from preaching the Word.