A Pastor’s Advice for Church Skippers

America, we are told, was founded as a Christian nation. I have my doubts, but even if I grant the point, I guarantee modern Christians would hate living in Colonial America.

One reason why is because church attendance was not optional. You went to church or you faced fines, stockades, and sometimes imprisonment. I can’t imagine any modern Christians being cool with that.

I know this because the church attendance of the average believer is pathetic. I’m not one who thinks people should be at church every single time the doors are open. But I do think you should be there regularly.

If a church has 52 Sunday services a year, I think attending 40 is not unreasonable. If a church has a midweek service then the number is up to 104. I think a person could make 80 without much trouble (that’s three months of missing church!).

Consider anything else you’re interested in, how often do you make it to those things? What about work? Most places of employment expect you to be there with two or three weeks of vacation plus some sick days. I gave you three months!

Life happens, I get it. But seriously: get to church people.

I know people could make it to church more because modern technology tells me so. Facebook lets pastors know exactly what people did while skipping church. You aint sick. You aint workin. You aint even doing anything productive. You’re just dorking around.

I actually dropped off Facebook because I couldn’t take it anymore.

To see people you pray for, you plead for them in prayer, sometimes with tears, skipping sermons that could benefit them for water skiing, or duck hunting, or sporting events, it just breaks a pastor’s heart. I try not to take it personally and I try not to get my heart broken, but it gets broken all the time.

Even worse, many of these people who skip church for every conceivable reason tend to have lives that fall apart. I always know when people start skipping church regularly that a certain thing is about to hit a fan.

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I Can Do All Things! Yippee!

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Except attend church regularly.”
–Christians

@FailingPastor

The majority of Christians have an unexamined faith. Most Christians believe what some person said about Christianity. Cliché and out of context biblical phrases make up most of any Christian’s doctrine.

This is a constant frustration to a pastor. Pastors attempt to teach people what the Bible says. Our job is to build people up in the faith and to preach the Word in season and out.

When people hear these sermons and then turn around and use a biblical phrase in the most unbiblical way, the pastor’s soul is sucked right out of him.

“We are more than conquerors!” Gets exclaimed, not as a pick-me-up for enduring persecution as the original phrase was intended, but as a cheerful defense of materialistic winning in life.

“All things work together for good” gets trotted out when someone loses a job and then gets hired at a place that pays more, or when their kid doesn’t make the soccer team but starts on the swim team. The original context has to do with all things working to grow the believer into Christ, which is what God thinks is good. It has nothing to do with temporal success and certainly not material gain.

The ultimate one is “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” This is used as a self-help mantra, a believe in yourself and you can do anything cheer. Jesus died on the cross so your wildest dreams would come true. Just add Jesus and material success follows! Yippee!

The original context is Philippians 4 where Paul, who is writing from prison, talks about his contentment whether external circumstances are good or bad. Why? Because with Christ, external things matter very little. I can endure any external thing, whether good or bad, because Christ strengthens me.

Teaching people how to use the Bible in context is not easy, but it’s one of our many tasks. Words mean things and the words of the Bible are not written in isolation. People need to learn the context of a phrase in a verse, a verse in a chapter, a chapter in a book, and a book in the Bible. Biblical phrases are not stand alone, apply as you wish statements. They mean definite things!

Spending energy and time over years and years teaching people how to use God’s Word, and to then consistently hear those people use verse after verse so far out of context, makes a pastor want to quit. What’s the point? Why continue?

I don’t know. What I do know is that with Christ strengthening me, I can do all things! I can even endure and persevere in the face of people who have no idea how to use the Bible! I can continue to teach, trusting that my labor is not in vain in the Lord! Whether my ministry is making any externally measurable difference or not, I can do all things through Christ!

I can even put up with people who butcher God’s word and continue to patiently teach and guide! Seriously, with Christ you can do that!

“For a bishop must be blameless, as the steward of God; not selfwilled, not soon angry, not given to wine, no striker, not given to filthy lucre;But a lover of hospitality, a lover of good men, sober, just, holy, temperate;Holding fast the faithful word as he hath been taught, that he may be able by sound doctrine both to exhort and to convince the gainsayers.

–Titus 1:7-9

A Pastor’s Take on Why Kids Leave the Faith

THEM: We let our kids decide whether they come to church or not.

ME: Really? Wow. I’m shocked they aren’t here.
@FailingPastor

I‘m amazed at the choices parents make with their kids.

For my entire pastoral career I have had kids at home. My eldest was a baby when I began pastoring. Her birth was, in fact, one of the reasons I took the job: I needed money!

Parenting is hard. I know, “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it” is a promise in the Bible. Proverbs are extreme statements that are not always true. There are proverbs in the Bible that contradict other proverbs in the Bible.

Parenting is hard. Pride goes before destruction. I’ve heard many a parent of young children brag about their parenting skills, even some who wrote books on parenting while their kids were still at home. I’ve seen many a proud parent become a weeping parent.

Since I’ve observed this trend, I have tried to avoid it in my own life. I try not to brag about my kids and certainly don’t go public in comparisons, nor assume that the way I raise my kids is how everyone should raise theirs. I once heard it said, “If God wanted you to raise my kids, He would have given them to you.” Amen.

I only give parenting advice if someone asks me. Very few have asked me. Even fewer have done what I said. I have taken this as further proof that no one really cares about my parenting theories.

My kids are older now. One is in college and the other two are very close to college age. I’m about done with the full-time parenting stuff. My kids were in subjection for the years they lived in my house. What they do now in their lives and with their faith is up to them. I and their mother did our best. We weren’t perfect, but we took stands and our kids know we love them and they know we love the Lord.

I think the evidence says I might know some things about parenting.

My kids fit into our schedule more than we fit into theirs. This one rule has guided many of our decisions.

I’m amazed at the number of parents who let their kids and their kids’ schedules dictate their church attendance. They skip for every excuse in the book: sports, homework, sleep, work, chilling, and various other things. They let their kids decide not only if the kids will go to church, but if the whole family will go!

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The Life-Sucking Properties of Being Ignored

Our church web site provides another opportunity
for people to ignore stuff I do for them.
@FailingPastor

I do not have a church secretary. I’m fairly lucky to have a church at this point. This means that all the little details of running the church fall on me.

I’ve been updating our church website weekly for nigh on 17 years now. I’m the guy that suggested a website and did all the research to find out how to get one up, how to update it, and I even picked up a little coding along the way. Yahoo Sitebuilder was my initial service.

The main purpose of the website is to upload sermon audio. This is so people all around the globe have an opportunity to not listen to my sermons.

For many years I sent out a church newsletter. It was a one page devotional and the back page had announcements and upcoming events. I typed, printed, copied, enveloped, addressed, and stamped all of them every month.

I had a sneaking suspicion no one read them. One month I put in the middle of my devotional this sentence: “If you call me after reading this, I will give you $5.”

Two people called me. Probably about 100 people could have potentially read the letter. Two called. That was enough. After giving them each $5, I stopped doing monthly newsletters.

I also used to do a weekly handout to the church. On the front page would be a review of a book I was reading. For instance, I read Calvin’s Institutes of the Christian Religion and did a one page summary of every chapter. I read through another systematic theology, five volumes worth, and did a page on each chapter.

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Spiritually Superior Pastors

THEM: Pride goes before a fall.

ME: Actually, it says, “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.”

*immediately trips over a curb*
@FailingPastor

I consider one of my main jobs to be the preaching of the Word, the whole counsel of God. In order to do that, I came to the startling realization that I better know what’s going on in the Bible.

I know, pretty extreme, but that’s where my brain went.

At a certain point in my career, I decided to read the Bible from cover to cover over and over again. I’ve now read it cover to cover around 40 times. I also began memorizing books of the Bible. I’ve got Romans and Galatians pretty well down.

Yeah, I’m awesome.

I must admit, I’m proud of such feats. It took a lot of work and dedication to do these things, and I continue to do them.

Part of me wants to tell people about my exceptional prowess in taking God’s word seriously. Part of me thinks that since I’ve worked so much with the Bible, people should bow to my understanding of the Bible. “You’ve no doubt never read the Bible like me, so off with you, ya little pretender.”

One evening at a church gathering a guy asked me what Romans 1:25 was. “Pssh, that’s easy,” I thought. “Little does this guy know I have the whole book of Romans in my head.” I proceeded to quote Romans 1:25. “For the invisible things of Him, from the creation of the world, are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made so that they are without excuse.”

Boom! In your face. Now worship my awesomeness!

Instead of worshipping my awesomeness, the guy said, “Uh, I don’t think that’s right.”

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Sermon Illustrations Get in the Way

Failing Pastor Poem:

My biggest preaching frustration
Is that all they heard
Was the Illustration.
@FailingPastor

Advertisements for salads all look the same. Each one shows a young, beautiful woman with large eyes and a huge smile with beautiful white teeth, about to slide a fork of green salad into her mouth. Salad eating looks so fun! It looks like the most thrilling and exciting activity on the planet in these ads!

The reason they make salad eating look so fun is because no one is that happy eating a salad. They are lying, making what is drudgery at worst and slightly tasty at best, into the most thrilling event of a person’s day.

The Church is selling salad. The Gospel is salad. It’s good for you, but wow, no one really wants to eat it. The Church, knowing that no one wants to eat Gospel Salad, uses bait and switch; we use marketing to make the Gospel look more appealing.

“Hey, if you believe our Gospel, you’ll have your best life now!”

“Hey, if you believe our Gospel, you’ll have health and wealth!”

“Hey, if you believe our Gospel, God will work a wonderful plan for your life and when you die, it gets even wonderfuller!”

Come and eat our happy Gospel salad and be happy with us!

The Gospel is tough; it is hard, it leads you into a fight that needs to be fought and a race that needs to be run. You need armor, you need spiritual rebirth, and you need Divine power if you want to survive it. Don’t lie to people about the Gospel. Tell them the truth. Let them know there’s a good chance this Gospel might mess up their lives. Tell them what Jesus Christ said to those listening to Him: Count the cost!

_______

I used the above as a sermon illustration one week. I thought it was brilliant and was perfectly delivered with comedic timing and everything. It made an excellent point, one that needs to be made by more people in the church, if you ask me.

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How To Leave A Church

ME: Hm, John isn’t here today.

BRAIN: Oh no, he left the church.

ME: It’s just one Sunday.

BRAIN: He hates you.

ME: It’s fine.

BRAIN: He’s gonna start a church split. *sees John walk in*

ME: Hey John! Good to see you.

BRAIN: Stupid jerk, trying to split my church.
@FailingPastor

The only thing worse than having someone leave your church with noise and fury is having them leave in complete silence.

A number of people have left the church without saying a word to me. It is then my responsibility to call or visit them and find out what’s up. Even then, they often won’t say if they have left the church or why. They make me probe and dig. Or, as I like to put it, they make me be the bad guy.

I hate being the guy who has to chase down disgruntled people to find out why they are disgruntled. But I always do.

I’ve heard people say, “I didn’t go to church for a month and not one person contacted me.”

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The Unappreciated Suffering of the Pastor’s Family

If we had had any fewer people at church today I would have wondered where my wife had gone.
@FailingPastor

I have a small church. Few understand what I mean by “small.” It’s small. As in 50 people would be a big crowd.

There have been Sundays where I preached to 11 people. Several Sundays.

I have had some serious rough patches in my pastoral career. Some of them I understand; some I do not and doubt I ever will.

My wife has been with me through them all. I can think of maybe two Sunday mornings where she wasn’t at church with me all these years. Part of that is because I made her go.

It was not right for me to make my wife go to church on days she was sick just because I went when I was sick. Not only has she gone to all those Sunday morning services, she’s been to all my other Wednesday night ones and Bible study nights on other days. She’s only missed a handful.

My wife told me one day that she hated that she had to go to church all the time. There were just days she didn’t feel like it. She resented my forced attendance rule of the past.

I get it and I understand. It’s the sucky part of being in a pastor’s family.

Lots of families work all week and then play on the weekend. The pastor’s family works all week and then goes to church on the weekend. It would be nice to have a morning or two to sleep in. This is especially true when we had little kids in the house.

I grew up in a pastor’s family. I know what it’s like to be sick and be made to go to church anyway. It’s what pastor’s families do. We do it to set an example that no one is paying attention to and never works.

I began to realize that punishing my family with church attendance is not helping them appreciate church. Nor is it reforming anyone else’s behavior. “Of course you guys go to church all the time; you get paid to do it.”

There’s some truth in that. At the same time, it would be nice if my family got some recognition for their faithfulness over the years. Unfortunately, people who don’t come to church, never pick up on the fact that my family is always there. It’s hard to appreciate what you don’t know exists.

Anyway, I appreciate my wife and my kids for going to church. I know they don’t feel like it all the time, because I don’t feel like it all the time either. Their reward will be in heaven, because Lord knows they aren’t getting it here.

Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
–Ephesians 5:24

Being Offended at Church Skippers

Sometimes, when people tell me they won’t be at church cuz they’re going camping,

I pray for rain.
@FailingPastor

I have a very small church. When people are gone you can definitely tell. I try not to guilt people into coming to church. I’ve fought very hard to avoid this. I want people to come because they want to be there.

Unfortunately, I know that the only people who are there are the only ones who want to be there.

I understand having to be out of town and going on vacation. I do, I really do. I don’t begrudge people missing a Sunday here and there.

But there’s still this thing in me, this part that is stabbed in the back whenever people miss church. I admit that I take it personally.

I try not to. I can’t tell you how hard I try not to take it personally. I would strongly encourage any pastor out there to not take it personally when people miss.

But in all honesty, I have no idea how not to do that.

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Being Friends With Busy Sheep

When people skip church to prepare for the thing they invited you, the pastor, to.
@FailingPastor

Quick story:

Several months ago I was invited by some guys in church to go golfing on a Sunday afternoon. It seemed like fun and we’d done it before. “Sure, let’s do it,” I gladly replied.

Sunday morning came and the guy who invited me did not show up to church.

“I wasn’t at church today because my wife needs her car tomorrow, so I had to fix some things on it, and she was busy planting flowers. You know, this nice weather isn’t going to hold up.”

We then went golfing and out to eat for the next FIVE HOURS.

That’s right, he skipped church because he didn’t have time to fix the car and plant flowers. He did, however, have time to go golfing and out to eat for FIVE HOURS.

This sort of thing makes me regret ever doing anything with anyone, especially on Sundays.

This is not the only example of such a thing. I’ve been invited to supper, picnics, graduation parties, and reunions by people who will skip church to get ready for the thing I said I’d attend.

Seeing people’s priorities in action is devastating to a pastor’s self-esteem. Luckily for me, I have little self-esteem left.

And the servant said, ‘Sir, what you commanded has been done, and still there is room.’ And the master said to the servant, ‘Go out to the highways and hedges and compel people to come in, that my house may be filled. For I tell you, none of those men who were invited shall taste my banquet.’”
–Luke 14:22-24