Top 7 Crazy People In Church Today

That feeling when you see your church’s noted Crazy Person talking to a visitor.
@FailingPastor

 

 

There are several brands of crazy. Every church has crazy people, and I’m not one of those who say, “Everyone in my church is crazy.” Not everyone is. If everyone were crazy, then crazy wouldn’t mean anything. There are some legit crazy people out there.

You know who I’m talking about too.

There’s Crazy Politics Person, no matter what anyone is talking about, the president will be tied into it and hyper-opinionated views of politics will spew forth. If you don’t vote like they do, people will die. Fear and turmoil mark their existence. They don’t have time to set their affections on things above; they are busy saving society by voting once every two years.

There is Crazy Crazy Person who just can’t help it, they are straight crazy. Who knows what they’ll talk about: doing peyote, hitchhiking misadventures, best deals at Dollar General, how to buy elderberries off the internet, angels singing to them in the shower, I mean, you just don’t know. Because: Crazy.

There is Crazy Doctrine Person, typically male. They are absolutely sure that their doctrine is the most advanced, well-thought out doctrine ever invented. They nudge right over the line in claiming inspiration for their doctrine. They know they have it right, and “you, dear pastor, although you try, are still short of seeing what I know. Someday, maybe someday, if the Spirit is good to you, you might achieve my level. Until then I shall correct your doctrine to everyone who has ever heard you speak.”

There is Crazy End Times Person who thinks every burp from their dog is in the Book of Daniel. “The End Is Near” is the only message they have and they know exactly how near, how it will get the rest of the way here, and who will primarily be responsible for the downfall of all things (The Russians and the Catholic Church, in case you’re wondering. And Lady Gaga).

There is Crazy This Is MY Church Person who, although they begrudgingly admit you are the pastor, also knows that “pastor” is just a titular role carrying no actual powers. They, and they alone, rule the church. “The pastor tries, God bless him, but we all know the only reason this church is around today is because of my selfless behind the scenes work that no one knows I do even though I never shut my mouth in telling everyone everything I do around here. This is my church, you have been warned.”

There is Crazy Health Person who “never gets sick” and yet somehow always has stories about what they took to cure them of every sickness, all of which they’ve had while never being sick ever. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is good and all, but the Gospel of proper diet truly saves people. Exercise not so much, but diet, nutrition, supplements, vitamins and essential oils cure everything ever. Cursed from the Fall no more! Lavender oil and apple cider vinegar have done away with all that curse stuff.

There is Crazy Homeschooler Person who is not nearly content enough to mother their own children; they must mother every living being on the planet. If you do anything different from them a lecture comes forth. Not just a lecture, not just a dispensing of opinion, but a condescending screed probably topped off with threat that your kids will burn in hell if you ignore their warning. They’ll gladly tell you the secrets to disciplining your kids that they learned while disciplining theirs even though theirs never do anything wrong.

The church has crazy people in it and no church is exempt from at least a couple of these. Not everyone is crazy. If they were, crazy people would have no one to talk to. The sane ones are the ones sitting back in bemused wonderment concerned for who will fall into the clutches of Crazy Person this Sunday.

Watch out for the Crazy People, be willing to rescue people from them, and please, please, I beg you, don’t become one of em.

 

 

Have nothing to do with irreverent, silly myths. Rather train yourself for godliness
–1 Timothy 4:7

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