If you’re not doing anything else in a church, I fail to see why you should be getting married in a church.
“Would you do our wedding?”
Pastors rarely hear more terrifying words than these.
I used to do every wedding I was asked to do. But after 20 years of doing weddings and seeing the disastrous results of most of them, couples are now placed in a position of having to convince me to do their stupid weddings.
I have many bad feelings about weddings. Doing weddings is never mentioned in the Bible as a thing pastors do, nor is the church ever mentioned in relationship to a wedding.
I know some hold up marriage as a sacrament and there is good mojo from having your wedding in a church by a “man of the cloth.” But, trust me, the mojo is about as effective as going to the court house and getting a license signed.
I’ve had several couples where neither person attended church, or only one did. Again, at the beginning of my ministry I held out hopes for evangelism and getting people into church. I thought by doing the wedding the Gospel would be advanced and my church would grow.
I told many of them that they didn’t have to pay me; just come to church. They faithfully came to church all the way up to the wedding. Once the wedding was performed, poof! They done disappeared.
But I did all those weddings. They are all divorced now. Evangelistic results did not occur nor has my church grown, in fact, my church has a terrible reputation for marriage now.
Not long ago I received a letter from a guy who attended our church until the age of six. He has not attended our church, or any other, since. He wrote a nice, respectful, flattering letter asking me kindly to do the wedding for him and the chic he’s been living with.
Wrong time, buddy. I wrote a letter in reply and told him my thoughts on marriage and weddings. I bluntly told him that I don’t marry people who don’t come to my church. So if they go to another church, ask that pastor to do it, and if they aren’t going to church at all, I can’t see what the point of having your wedding in church would be. Go to the courthouse.
I did not receive a reply, which I did not expect. I do, however, rejoice in the fact regularly that I am not currently having to plan an overwrought hypocritical wedding that will end in divorce in three years.
Weddings have become increasingly stupid over the years as people spend more money and heighten the significance of symbolism over substance. I have encouraged all my kids to elope. Go to the courthouse. Good Lord, please don’t drag everyone through this torturous ceremony.
My opinion is that the bigger the wedding; the shorter the marriage. The more a couple needs to display their love; the more you know love aint part of it. I have the same rule for public displays of affection. Based on my marriage counseling and observations, couples who are touching each other in public the most are the ones struggling the most. Write it down, that’ll come in handy for you some day. Also note if the wife laughs at the husband’s jokes. If he’s not funny to her, the marriage is in trouble.
The Bible mentions weddings, but gives zero instructions on how to do them. The Bible is filled with stuff about divorce. We don’t talk about what the Bible says on divorce though because you will offend 70% of your audience. Remarried divorced people are committing adultery. Jesus said that in Matthew 5, that old Sermon on the Mount. You are labeling 70% of your audience as adulterers. Good luck with that.
So we sit back and watch the marriages crumble. Oh sure, I can say things, I can even do counseling. But they don’t listen. In our narcissistic society people are not going to listen to you and your cute outdated biblical ideas. They are going to do their thing. And they do, destroying the reputation of the Body of Christ, the Church, and the institution of marriage. We’ll bash on those gay marriage people instead.
Yeah. OK. I’m done. Do your stupid wedding at the courthouse; leave me alone.
Then saith he to his servants, The wedding is ready, but they which were bidden were not worthy.