How To Be A Humble Pastor

“Many of the pitfalls of pride can be avoided if you suck at everything.”
@FailingPastor

“That was a great service. Thank you so much. I wish we lived closer; we’d come to your church every Sunday.”

Pretty much every time I speak somewhere that isn’t my church (weddings, funerals, pulpit supply, etc.), people say something like this to me. It’s nice. It’s flattering. But it doesn’t last.

When I come back from such speaking engagements, I know my church will put me back in my place.

The thrill of actually having a crowd to talk to and the appreciative reception of yesterday will be met by the empty chairs and half-asleep apathetic handful of people in my church.

It’s good for me. It keeps me grounded. Having a weekly reminder of how pathetic I am is safe ground. It’s hard to get a big head when it’s constantly being deflated.

I tried writing a weekly handout for our church. I really worked at being interesting and informative. I even edited. I’d print out an ambitious 12 copies and announce them. I’d take ten copies home with me. Humility.

I would visit people to show them I cared, only to have them tell me all the problems they have with my church and why they won’t be there Sunday. Humility.

I make hospital visits, only to hear too many details and have to go puke in the bathroom after ten minutes. Humility.

Anytime friends or family visit my church, it’s guaranteed that 80% of my church will be out of town, sick, or busy that weekend. My family and friends will get to see my church of eight people. Humility.

Pride is the source of most of our sin and the root of our problems. Regularly being humbled is a great way to grow in faith and avoid much sin.

Oh sure, humility can lead to pride’s cousin self-pity, but alas, at least self-pity is just me quietly weeping in the corner. At least I’m not having affairs and bossing everyone around.

Take my advice: Success comes with too many temptations. Do everything you can to avoid those temptations by sucking at everything!

(Don’t worry; my tongue, although not firmly planted in my cheek, is in the general direction of my cheek as I write this.)

“We have become, and are still, like the scum of the world, the refuse of all things.”
–1 Corinthians 4:13

Pastor Depression

THEM: They say pastors struggle with depression. Do you?

ME: I stopped struggling with depression many years ago. Now I embrace it.
@FailingPastor

Pessimism is in my DNA. Depression symptoms sound like results from my personality test.

At the same time, I believe in hope. Love hopes all things. I love people, but not in a gushy, sentimental way. I love by trying to do be helpful. You would think people would enjoy having a pastor like that.

You would be incorrect. I once shared some statistics with the church board: the more hours I spend with someone, the more likely they are to leave the church. I had a chart. People I “help” get mad and leave.

The church has increased my depression a hundredfold. I maintain hope, but my hope is not in people; my hope is in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I believe any given Sunday could wake people up to see the truth and change their lives.

Instead, every Sunday I pour my heart and soul into my message and wait expectantly for something to happen. So far, every Sunday has been followed by either criticism, empty compliments, or total silence. Even if someone does exuberantly respond to the message on Sunday, by Thursday the exuberance will be gone.

Nothing happens.

Well, OK, maybe not “nothing.” Lots of people have gotten mad and left. They leave without saying anything. They just disappear and make me track them down and hound them for a reason why they left. Then they tell me how happy they are since they’ve left.

It’s depressing. Week in and week out, to have the only feedback be nothing, punctuated occasionally by people getting mad and leaving. Fun times.

Continue reading “Pastor Depression” →

Losing Faith to Own The Faith

“The more faith I lose in people,
The more faith I gain in God.”
–@FailingPastor

I’ve never been a huge fan of people. I have a birth defect that causes me trouble. As a kid I was made fun of all the time, or so it felt. I became resentful and bitter. I sat back and judged people. I picked people apart and developed a sarcastic, biting sense of humor.

Growing older was one of my biggest goals in life, escaping childhood and leaving the junior high mentality behind. Things got better until I became a pastor.

Church and junior high are cousins. I am stunned by the things people have said and done to me as a pastor. And again, I had a pretty low view of humanity to begin with!

I expect derision, mockery, and rudeness from the world, but repeatedly getting it from the church does a number on a guy.

I struggle with cynicism. I am so accustomed to being hurt by people in the church; I take nothing at face value anymore.

When I first became pastor, one of the guys who viewed himself as important in the church was very nice to me. He and his wife gave us gifts and arranged people to help us move in. He did things around the church as I transitioned in. He took my wife and I out to eat regularly.

One Sunday he invited my family and another couple over for a steak dinner. While their wives cornered my wife in the kitchen, these two guys took me into the living room and sat me in the lowest chair. They both stood over me and told me what I was and wasn’t supposed to do in “their church” as pastor.

This was not the last time a seemingly friendly overture was turned into some sort of backstabbing, power-play cover for nefarious ends.

Continue reading “Losing Faith to Own The Faith” →